2 years ago on August 15, 2010, I was 285+ pounds. I began a 3 month weight loss program that the insurance company made me do to PROVE that I could lose weight. I finished the program on this date in 2010 and weighed in at 274 pounds. I proved I could lose weight. Over the next two months I went to the Bahamas and stayed at an all inclusive resort. Needless to say, I gained that weight back. Finally on February 15th 2010 I was "allowed" to get the surgery I desperately needed to save my life!
I am down to 185! I have been stuck here for a few months now, but it is not bothering me. I just remember the words my wise doctor told me once when I hadn't reach a goal, "Don't be mad at yourself. You took the biggest step in your life by having this surgery. If you hadn't of taken this step, instead of losing 42 pounds you would be well over 300 pounds by now and on your death bed." Wow, what a wise man! I know I still have a long way to go to get to my goal weight, but I also know that I will be able to do it! Most importantly though is that I know I will be able to maintain that goal for the remainder of my life. Yes, I have not lost weight in a month but I have not gained any back either. I guess I might be happy if I stay this weight for the remainder of my life:)
Some might say, I took the easy way out with the surgery. No, I can't say I agree with this. It has been a slow process. It has been painful, it has been frustrating, it has been stressful, but it has taught me more about myself then I could ever have known before the challenge. During this process, I have gained some friends and lost some too. I was weak at times and let my pain and frustration come out and those who didn't understand, they left me. Those that were my true friends stayed and supported me. My one supporter that made the most impact when I saw that she was following me, passed away. Yes, it has been a difficult journey over the past two year, but in the end it has been worth it.
To those of you who are thinking of doing this surgery, do it! However, you have to know that the journey is long and not easy. You will lose friends, and you will gain new ones. You will get back your smile and your bounce. Your skin will sag where you don't want it to sag, and surgery may be out of reach for you, but you look amazing in your size 12 pants (soon to be size 10).
An example of friends that care:
I went on a girls night out last year. We went to the Safe House in Milwaukee for dinner. I did not know the password and had to make an idiot of myself in front of the entire bar. I was so humiliated because I had such a poor self image at that time. I had already lost weight, but all I saw was a fat girl with skin hanging everywhere. Then anxiety ridden, frustrated and stressed I ate to much and it was so painful. Walking back to the hotel I was so afraid I would puke in front of my friends I walked far away from them. I think they thought I was mad at them. At that point, I was not able to admit that I was in pain. I kept wanting to go into a bar, just so I could throw up and they just kept on walking. Until I was able to empty my bitty belly I would be in so much pain. Once back at the hotel, I was able to eliminate my over indulgence and enjoy the rest of the night. I look back and I can see how my friends might have thought I was a bit psycho. However, they never said a word, and continue to be my friends. I am not sure why, but I know that I am not psycho, just in pain. Lesson learned...do not over eat due to stress. Lesson learned, true friends understand when you go psycho, even if they don't know why:)
I am perfectly fine as long as I don't over indulge, eat to fast, or stress out too much. Everyone has some pain when losing weight, it is not that much, most of the time. You learn what to eat, when to eat, how fast to eat, and to chew, chew, and then chew more. It has taken me over a year to learn this and I have had help from some VERY loving, caring, friends and family.
Point being, I have lost 100 pounds (a whole person), I am off blood pressure medicine, off cholesterol medicine, I have more energy then I have had in about 30 years, I feel younger and I am a much happier, healthier person. Has the pain been worth it? YES! Would I do it again, YES! In a heart beat, especially when I see that look in Fred's eyes when he looks at me, and the feeling in his arms when he hugs me, and the laughs we have with my new found energy...it has all been worth it. No sadness for lost friends, much happiness for new friends, thankful for all my oldest and dearest friends. I am looking forward to the next challenge that comes my way:)
