Have you ever

Have you ever wondered who named the colors? Why is the sky blue and not green? What is to say that color blind people are actually seeing things the correct way and the rest of aren't? Who was the first person to put a mushroom in their mouth and say, "mmmmmmm that is really good"? I think about these things all the time. I am curious about everything! I need to know everything! I am amazed at how much we learn just by living everyday!

In the last 11 weeks I have learned more about me, my family, and my friends than I ever thought was possible! I have learned that I don't need food when I have such great friends. I may not be losing weight at an amazing rate, but I am losing and I am keeping it off! This is all because of the love and support of all my family and friends reminding me to think differently about food and my life. Food is something I need to fuel my body, I do not need it to sooth me when I am upset, cheer me up when I am sad, or entertain me when I am bored. It is a benefit of going to lunch with a friend, but the friend is why I am there, not the food.

I learned that although I am not the friendliest, most caring, helpful person in the world...I am loving, generous, and kind. I would do anything for my family and friends! I have learned how to reach out and say, I need you...I have learned when I need to say I am sorry and when I have a right to have stand up for me, even if that upsets you. I have learned that if you can't understand me, I don't need to waste my time to explain myself to you over and over again. I love the new improved me!

Learning is fun!

Driven

We are driven by five genetic needs: survival, love and belonging, power, freedom, and fun.

William Glasser


I agree! That is all:)

Great Weekend!

I had a great weekend! Spent time with family and friends and now I am going to lunch with more friends! I drank too much wine yesterday...but it was a holiday so I splurged and I still lost a half of a pound since Saturday morning! I am definitely staying on my plan from now on! Tonight will be the last night of eating out for a long time! It is Chris's birthday and we are taking him to dinner.

That sinking feeling about work is not so strong now. I am looking forward to being back with my students! We are having a contest in advisory this week and I am looking forward to that! I love my advisory students this year:) They are so much fun! I am looking forward to the end of the year and all the fun things we do. Yes, it is usually chaotic...but so much fun! I am going to drag my short story unit to the end of the year! It is going to be GREAT! I can't wait to have a full day to spend with my reading teacher friends and language arts friends so we can plan some fun units together for next year! A lot of great things are happening!!!!

10th Week!

Week ten already! Hard to believe it has been that long ago! So weigh in this morning was a little disappointing, but an eye opener too...244. Only one pound lost this last week. However, it was a pound lost and not a pound gained. They did say with the lapband surgery it would take a year to 18 months to reach my goal. I am down 41 pounds and feeling much better already! I would like to be down another 50 by Sara's wedding in October. I think that is a reasonable goal, with the summer (hopefully) coming soon and being out of the house more, it will be easier.

So here is my plan - Get back on track with my eating! I need to make sure I am getting my protein and stay way from the fat! I need to get my protein shake in once a day! I will stop eating oatmeal for breakfast and have a hard boiled egg or a poached egg. I will start this workout program that I am putting off. When stressed from work I am going to release that energy in a more productive manner like working out, or taking a walk.

This past week I found that bread is totally off my diet, even when toasted! I can not eat the fat free tortillas, but I can eat crackers like wheat thins no fat or triscuit no fat. When I eat bread or some foods I get a pain in my chest that makes me feel like I am dying! Then I vomit a small amount of food. It hurts like you wouldn't believe! I don't want to feel that pain ever again! No eating too fast, no eating too much, and no eating bread! Lesson learned!

I have a bad feeling about work in the bottom of my stomach...not sure why...I just don't even want to be there and I hope this feeling goes away before Tuesday morning! I am just really tired of people getting away with not doing their job because there are no consequences for them! Or some teachers thinking they are better than the rest of us and they try to take over everything! It is very sad!

I am very glad I had many other work/life experiences before I became a teacher. It taught me many things that I think these people who start teaching straight out college don't have...patience, pick your battles, and there is no I in team! I also think that bringing up three children in school systems and not being a teacher helped me see the reality in being a parent/student and I don't set goals for my students that aren't attainable...and I know as a parent I DON'T want to be called unless it is really, really important or something that can't be worked out in school. I had children on all spectrum's of the learning curve from ADHD to learning disables, to really smart and wouldn't turn in work and the average student that tries hard and gets good grades!

I think that the teachers I work with need to realize...this is just 7th grade! My children had their problems in school, but when they got to High School and college, they turned on all those things that we preached for those 8 years! It was amazing to see them working hard to get good grades. I think that if we just continue to help students be organized, teach them to prioritize, and how study, someday it will click, whether it is in 8th grade, High School, or College, or even their first real job! They won't always get it by the end of 7th grade!!! Get over it and stop treating them like babies! Calling parents is NOT going to help either! Making the student responsible is the only way to teach them responsibility, not through punishment or rewards! Remember, you may never see the benefits of your hard work for that one year, but the knowledge that I have given my students the skills they will need to succeed in life is enough for me!

Positive Attitude

Accept the things that I cannot change - I cannot change the work ethics of others, I cannot change that some fellow workers are neurotic, I cannot change the administration and their way of thinking. I cannot eat sugar or high fat foods! I have to eat protein and low fat, low sugar foods. I cannot change who I am.

Change the things I can - I can speak up for myself when I feel that people are taking advantage of me. I can do my job and not worry about what others are doing. I can stop thinking or desiring foods I cannot eat ever again. I can be more helpful. I can stop thinking that people at work do things just to make me look bad, in other words stop being paranoid. I can be more loving and nurturing to everyone I know.

My goal is to get through everyday with as little negativity as possible, and as much positivity as possible.

Today is Chris's 28th Birthday! Love you Chris!

Another day

Today was a great day! I went out the door with a positive attitude, walked into work with a positive attitude, and walked out at the end of the day with a positive attitude. I spoke with someone today and they reminded me of the Serenity Prayer and she told me of how she has changed her life recently. She gave me ideas on how to deal with stress and emotions. How to deal with people, and how to deal with myself and I really love her for sharing! I think I have a plan now and I am back to the me you know and love.

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

When I feel stressed or emotional I will look at the problem, is it within my control to change...then I will change it, if it is not with in my control to change, I will walk away and keep on smiling. I will leave each day one at a time, each moment at a time, and not get upset when life gets in the way. I will also accept that life is not always easy and sometimes I need to suck it up, shut up, and keep on smiling! Most of all, I will not dwell on things that have already happened, life is too short to sweat the small things:)

So I am going to write a book...where to start? Maybe start small with some short stories. or a children's book...my niece is a wonderful illustrator and I want her to illustrate a book...so here I go to write my first one...I am thinking a dragonfly and a frog! My two favorite things in the world.

I will keep you updated:)

Every one of you never cease to amaze me!

Back on Track

Okay...so the eating is going great! I have lost a total of 40 pounds since 2/5/11! Pretty amazing. I no longer feel hungry, a half of a burger is more than enough for dinner, and I am able to eat what I like.

However, I am an emotional eater and I knew this would happen! I can't smoke, I can't drink, and I can't eat when I am stressed or upset...so what do I do? Please, don't tell me to take a walk or exercise, that only makes me want food more at this point...

I went and talked to a few people today that I needed to talk to and they are the best people! I love my job and I love the school I work at...I know I complain and that is not fair. I am taking things out on everyone and it really is only a few people. Although, to be fair to myself, some people are just oblivious to what they do. Or they know the buttons to push to set me off and keep on pushing them.

I am really not asking for more support than I need. I really, really, really need all of you right now. At times I feel like my world is caving in on me. I am so glad that Fred is here for me, he is such a rock! However, I know that he is glad I also have you, because I would drive him insane otherwise. When I can get this all under control I am taking anyone, that will go, out for drinks! You all deserve it!!!! Seriously, I am so lucky to have each and everyone of you in my life!!!!!!

On a brighter note, I am a great aunt again! Vincento entered the world on Monday! I can't wait to meet him. I think he looks like my dad in pictures, but I need to see him in person to tell for sure. Did I tell everyone that I am having another granddaughter? Avery Caroline...so cute...can't wait to meet her in June:) My son Jason got a new job at Salem Fire Department! He is there full time now...I wonder how he likes it, haven't talked to him a while.

My tattoo is healed enough so I am going to sit in the hot tub for an hour or two and just meditate...see you all another day.

Goal - To chill out and find a way to deal with emotions and stress in a more constructive way! Laugh more, love more, and appreciate every minute I have with all of you...my friends and family:)

really hard

I am having a really hard time emotionally...wish I could take time off from the world until I can get this under control. Although it is not all my fault...I am making worse.

This Journey

I have realized that this is not just a journey in my health, it is in family, friends, teaching, learning, and sooooo many things! I apologize to all of you that I have been short with lately. I think that it is harder to give up food than it was to give up cigarettes! It has affected me in more ways than any of the nurses, psychologist, doctors, and nutritionists had warned me. I think about it ALL the time. When you are talking to me about a TV show, I am thinking about what I can have for a snack, or that I really want a pizza. My mind is only on food!!!! I have even been dreaming about food, which I have never done this before. I have also realized how important it is to have a family that loves you and friends that are there for you through thick and thin...and listen to obsessions with food constantly. I can't thank you enough for putting up with my ups and downs, highs and lows, and my neurotic moods!!!

I still HATE (yes a very strong word, with a very strong feeling behind it!) one person I work with and I will NOT be nice to them!!! Sorry, but I have to draw the line somewhere...

My goal this week is to try to focus on my moods and to be more positive and less neurotic. I am also looking for a new position as a reading specialist. I am going to focus on trying to get this job. It is what I really want! Although I would really miss my Palombi family. I probably don't have a chance at this job because they want someone with a secondary ed degree which I don't have, but it is for a reading specialist which is for K-12th grade...we will see how it goes.

So, some times it is hard to put things in perspective when losing weight. However, this morning I was thinking and this is what I came up with. I have gone from a size 24 to a size 18/20 in three months! That is pretty darn significant! The capris I put on yesterday from last year would not stay up on by butt and the shirt I wore was bought to wear in Yellowstone last year, but it was too small then! It was too big yesterday! My favorite jeans do not need to be unzipped to put on or take off...and I could barely button them three months ago...I feel so good. I have gone down a half a shoe size too!!!!! I won't mention my breast size...but it is shrinking too...LOL I can't help but be excited. To heck with that scale! I know that I have a long way to go, but I am well on my way to a healthy, happy new me!

My goal for this week is to fit in more veggies and fruits and walk daily!

new me

Well I started putting in applications at other schools. I love Palombi,but I fear that I will never be accepted as a expert in my field. It is very upsetting to have to go to s workshop that I could teach and not be there for my students when they are tsking the MAP test. I spent a lot of money on s masters degree asa reading specialist/literacy coach and not to be a reading teacher. I could have just gotten my endorsement and not easted so much money...besides my heart is with those struggling readers. I don't think I eill get a job, but it is worth a try.

So this week I am down another two pounds and my summer clothes are to Big!

Yep!

What a crazy week! I had a total melt down on Tuesday!  I was ready to quit my job, crawl in a hole and stay there until I starved to death...thank goodness I didn't do any of this! 

I am just not a nit picker...why do people have to be, does filling out a simple form have to be such a big deal???  Why can't one decision stay and not be changed by one or two people and the team has no real voice!  YES I WANTED TEAM DAY, I like team day, it is good for the kids!  It seems like everyone is trying to out do each other in the decision making area....who can get it done the fastest...not necessarily the best way.  Why do people go out of their way to try to make me look bad, or take over my job...doesn't make any sense to me.  I am not going anywhere...I will be there next year.  I have half a mind to go ask if we are shaking up seventh grade this year.  It is just really hard when you have two people that won't do anything and two people that want to do everything (their way), and one person that doesn't care because she is just temporary, and another person that just wants everyone to be happy...and of course that is not me!   I make a suggestion today and everyone liked it, but everyone leaves the meeting and it was not finalized...that is the problem, nothing gets finalized and it is left open for change.  EVERYTHING has to such a major issue!  Really, we waste 30 minutes on a conversation on what to do on team day and then one person from the team talks to another team and all of a sudden it changes!  REALLY!  We talk and talk and talk and nothing is said!  I even stopped taking notes, because we say nothing and if we do on occasion come up with a plan, it changes before the next morning by one or two people...more time is wasted then I can even count.  Yes I am irritated! Sure there are good things about our team, just not feeling them now!!!!! I think I will just do what other team leaders do, just make the decisions and just bring it to the team, and they get no say.  They were even making plans with one of the teachers to do NWEA test ing...who asked for their help?  I know what I am doing and why do they think they need to stick  their nose in my business all the time? And then it is brought up like I wasn't doing my job...oh yeah we need to get you the test instructions to look at...REALLY???? I would have talked to her already if she was going to do any testing!  It is one of the reasons I decided to do all the testing myself...Ughhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! I want a German Chocolate Blizzard with extra coconut and pecans!  Done with my vent! 


Second fill yesterday.  I always feel so much better after talking to the nutritionist, doctor and nurse.  He reminded me that the first fill wasn't suppose to do much.  The second fill will do more.  Then third will be the most.  When I weighed in I had not lost any weight in two weeks, but I didn't gain either.  I lost the 5 pounds I gained in Vegas!  I am doing great they all said, and were surprised I had done so well in Vegas.  I am going to start my exercise program this weekend...I just don't have a good time to go and work out...I don't want to do it alone and the best time is right after work and no one I know that works out with me can do it then.  I will never get on a horse if I don't start working out! 

I am so negative lately.  My self esteem is really low and my team hates me, and I want to be a good team leader and no one will let me, and my family is off doing their own thing and I don't have any real friends (not family).  I try to make friends, but I am horrible at it, I am so awkward.  One good thing is that I get to meet with my reading team tomorrow and I love them!  I don't think they love me as much, but I do love them! It will be a better morning and thus a better day.

Why?

I am ready to go back to my old ways!  I am hungry all the time, my stomach is always growling, I am irritable, lazy, tired, angry, and feeling let down by yet another scam!  I go for another fill tomorrow and if this doesn't work I don't know what I am going to do! 

Food for today:
Breakfast
Protein Smoothie
3/4 c. skim milk
1/2 cup strawberries
2 scoops protein

1 lg McDonalds Decaf Coffee w/ 4 cream and 1 splenda

Lunch
1 cup of Chili
2 crackers multigrain

Snack
Banana
Low Fat Skim milk String Cheese

Not sure about dinner yet...does this sound like I should gain weight????

I am really, really, really frustrated!  Thanks for letting me vent!

Back to Reality!

Spring break is almost over and what break it was!  I had so much fun in Vegas, but you know what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas!  Except the extra weight!  This sucks...walking miles everyday, eating my three square meals, being careful what I ordered, and staying away from alcohol (well, mostly).  I gain 5 POUNDS!  I am literally eating about a cup of food at each meal, eating my protein first, watching the fat, and sugar, and I still can't continually lose weight.   I think I am Gods joke to the world.  I am going to put this girl on earth, tease as a teen and let her know what it is like to be thin, and then make her fat and not let her lose weight no matter what she does! 

No more feeling sorry for myself!  I need to get off my butt, record what I eat every meal, and exercise daily! 

Second fill this Wednesday!  Can't wait.  I am still hungry when I am done eating, hopefully this next fill will help with that feeling.  

When I left work on Friday a week ago, I had planned for the remainder of the year, graded all papers turned in to me to date, and was on a roll.  I hope I can continue the roll when I return tomorrow.  I love that for the first time ever on a break from work I didn't feel that I needed to do something to catch up.  I feel bad for the teachers that are posting on facebook that they are grading papers or going in to the school to work. I wish that parents and tax payers would understand that teachers don't really get these "breaks".  We use them to catch up on work we can't get done during our regular week because we are teaching their kids and don't have time for all the bull crap paperwork we are given!

I hope we get a good storm this afternoon!  I love stormy Sundays...they are the best way to end a week.

Have a GREAT week!