Dear Lord...

Dear Lord, You have taken me from the deepest sorrow and grief to the greatest joy and happiness in this one week. Lord, I am not sure if I can take anymore emotions at this time...please Lord, let the family and friends of Taylor seek the comfort that they need in this time of grief and grant your serenity on Nicole, Chris and Avery at this time of their greatest joy. You have graced upon me this week a burden of grief that is so deep that it feels like a blade slashing my skin and the greatest joy that my heart bleeds. I know there are reasons for your will, please help me understand the tremendous loss and be humbled by this greatest joy...Amen

I also would like to ask for forgiveness from my mom! In my emotional and sleep deprived state this morning I did not call and let her know she was a Great Grandma once again...I am so sorry and I will never forgive myself for this mistake...Love you MOM!!!!

Just thinking...

We have faith because we need to believe that there is more to life than just being gone when we have passed...that is why it is called faith...everyone has their own belief and faith...I just wanted to share what I am thinking...it is not right or wrong, just thinking...

When I was little I thought all the stars were the souls of all the people who had passed on, to me that was heaven. Then I believed heaven was a beautiful place that is fluffy and soft and everyone flies around with wings and turn into angels. Then someone brought to my attention that people were reincarnated, I am not a believer in reincarnation, but I have faith that the deepest energy of ones soul stays on earth. That is how we find our "Soul Mates"...which I know Fred and I are.

I would like to believe that both heaven and reincarnation go hand in hand. I want to believe that the part of the soul that makes you unique goes to heaven, but the energy of your soul keeps living on earth and continues all the good things you have not completed. I have wanted to believe that when the body dies the soul seeks the body or a child that is soon to be born, to begin again. My theory had one flaw, how does the population keep growing if we just switch one body in death for one body in life. Now, I believe that there are souls that have much more energy than just one newborn could handle so it takes two newborns or more to handle those souls. Have you ever heard "why do all the good ones have to die?" It is because they have the biggest souls.

I have faith that Taylor is in heaven walking with God, but I don't think she was done here on Earth...I think that her living soul is in heaven and that her soul's energy will be given to a new body to carry on her mission on Earth! I also think that her soul had so much energy that it was given to more than one child...her energy will live on in many new lives that will be born. Those lives will grow up to be really special...they will love animals, love sports, be at one with God, and light up all the lives they touch, they will be truly special children! Yes, Taylor is walking next to God, that I know, I just pray that her energy has been given to many others to carry on her legacy here on Earth! I am positive that Taylor had to much energy in her to just be gone, let me have my faith...just thinking...

Saying Goodbye...

Today was weigh in Wednesday, it just seems like a really insignificant thing in my life right now. I weighed in at 230 this morning...another 2 pounds down. I should be really excited...however, I can't help but think that my little friend Taylor will no longer be here on earth to read my blog. However, I know she will be in heaven looking down on me and will be very disappointed in me if I fail, because failure was not in her vocabulary! So I in honor of Taylor I will NOT eat because of my pain...I will make sure I keep reaching for my goals no matter how much I am hurting inside.

I only have 17 followers and Taylor was one of them. She was such a free spirited beautiful young lady. She gave her all in everything she did. I would look at her and wish that I could have been more like her when I was young. I was introverted and she was the total opposite of me. I really didn't know her that well, we only got together a few times for boating and Bears games, but the short time I did spend with her, she just amazed me. She loved my dog Gauge and wanted to see him every time we were together. She lit up the lives of every one that she met. She will be missed! Fourth of July fireworks on the lake will never be the same without her laugh...but her spirit will be there with every bang and every flash of colorful light. I will wait to say goodbyes to her until that night because I know she will be there with me, for me to say my goodbyes. God bless you Taylor and I know you are walking beside God with Romulus at your side!

Not to sound like I am bragging, but....

I just had to blog...so much to talk about, so little time! I know I have said this before, but I am totally sure that I am by far the luckiest woman in the world...I know, you think you are, but really, I am! I just want to scream out loud!!!! I will start by the fact that I have the most AMAZING husband in the world...yes...mine! Not yours, mine! He has seen me through so much and sticks by me no matter what I say or do...he is not perfect, but he is amazing.

I am expecting my fourth grandchild any day now! I can't wait to meet her...she will be the perfect mix of Chris and Nicole, funny, smart, loving, fun, kind, caring, and strong willed. I CAN'T wait!!!!

Sara and Bryan's wedding is around the corner, and it is a funny thing that I feel like Bryan is already a son. He lived with us for so long, I know him very well. He is a brute on the outside, but a pussy cat on the inside...I know...you can't fool mom! No ones perfect, but Bryan is perfect for Sara and she is truly in love!!! I can't wait!!! I love the new addition to our family too...LILLI!!! What a perfect puppy!

Jason and his family are off to Yellowstone, my favorite place in the world!!! I can't wait to hear of all their adventures. It is going to be so much fun!!!! I am glad that Jason loves it out there...in fact all of our kids do...wish I could be with them, but I have seen Yellowstone, I haven't met Avery yet...

I love my house, my yard, my job, my car, my hobbies, my family, my friends, my dogs, my fish...I love my life!!! What more can I say...it is a perfect day!!!!

Wednesday Weigh In

So, I weighed in this morning and down to 232! What an amazing achievement. I went from 285 to 232 in 4 months! I can hardly believe it! I had a few weeks that I didn't lose anything and then...bam an 8 pound loss in a week! I am sure by Sara's wedding I will be under 200 pounds! I am so looking forward to that day!

All Better!

So, the doctor's office called and said to be there at 1:10 pm and it was 12:50. Did you know it only takes 15 minutes to get to NIMC from my house?! We get there and a VERY nice doctors comes in and talks to me and takes out .5 cc of fluid. It was immediate pain release! It didn't even hurt and he said make sure to tell Dr. Heydari that and we laughed (because it always hurts when he does it!). I drank a glass of water and no pain, no bubbling, just satisfaction. Got home and just ate two peanut butter and apple butter rice cakes...feeling better. Headache almost gone, and almost motivated to clean this disaster of a house. I guess this is all the part of the adventure...I don't want to feel that again...EVER! I learned that it is really important to drink the water after a fill, take your time, and tell the doctor anything that doesn't feel right...it won't go away with time! It also reminded me of how great my family and friends are! Thanks for all your well wishes. Especially, to Fred for being so patient with me the last two days...I love you!!!!!!

I Can't Believe it!

Update...the doctors office finally calls...Dr. Heydari is in surgery today and tomorrow, and asks if I can wait until Wednesday to see him. Of course I can...I called you today because I am feeling GREAT! HELL NO I can't wait until Wednesday! They are going to get me a time to go to NIMC so he can do the unfill there...just waiting for the call! I can't believe they really thought I could wait. It feels like I am having a heart attach 24/7 for two days. They even tell you to call if you have any problems, well I am!

Still not Good!

So it was hurting so bad last night that I got the nerve up to call the doctor. Of course a different doctor is on call...needless to say he was of no help! I woke up this morning in more pain and waited until 8 am to call the doctors office...no one is in. I called the Weight Loss center and left a message...good news is that I lost about 3 pounds in two days! Now I am waiting to get a call back. I hope Dr. Heydari is not out of town, I don't want some unknown doctor to touch my bity belly. I can't wait until this pressure and pain is gone!

Not a Good Thing!

Here it is one day since my fill and I am feeling like crap! This is what is called an overfill...I can only eat about three bites of food, and a few sips of water at a time. Then my stomach starts making weird bubbling noises and I start belching. It feels like hell! The doctor is open tomorrow and I am going to have to go in and have some saline taken out. I guess if you want to look at the glass half full, I am not puking. Just another adventure in my weight loss adventure...one that I could do without!

New Picture

I posted a new picture...I hope it shows up!

Success is not a race, be patient.

So, another fill this morning...I have officially lost 4 pounds since May 11. I have gone from a size 24 (very tight) to a size 16 ( a little tight still). I went from a 3X shirt to a Large...I am feeling good about all my success. I need to learn to be more patient...it took me 30 years to put on all this weight, I have to remember it won't go away over night. However, it is coming off and I feel GREAT! I feel more positive about everything in my life, I have more energy, my knees don't hurt, I can walk up stairs without pain, and I am one happy lady! I have my bad moments and I feel really bad for those around me when that happens, but it is much easier to control! I have NO regrets, I just need more patients:)

I guess I can say that I am the luckiest person in the world. I have gone from almost no friends to a lot of friends. Not because of the weight loss, but because I finally found my place in this world. I made the best move in my life when I left Pleviak and moved to Palombi. In seven years at Pleviak I made four friends...all of which I still talk to...it is such a cliquey place! You are either in or out.

When I first started teaching there I was over my head with my family, no mentor, a very difficult class, and learning how to plan lessons, grade papers, and teach. I didn't have time to make friends that year...not to mention my class was off in the middle of nowhere land! When I was ready to make friends, I was shunned...When I joined Palombi it was like going home.

The staff there is so amazing. They are more mature than the elementary staff, there is one small clique, but we ignore them. We have fun! We don't have to go out drinking to have fun either...we can just hang out and eat dinner, go to a movie, go shopping, just about anything. I know that if I need anything I can pick up my phone and call anyone of them and they would be there for me. It is a wonderful feeling to know you are loved be more than just family! They say if you have one good friend in your life, you are lucky...I am the luckiest person in the world because I have a whole school of friends! Thanks to all of my Palombi friends for making me feel a part of a community, I really needed all of you!