Looking to the Future

Wow! It has been 17 months since my surgery. In this time I have lost 95 pounds and went from a size 26 to a size 12. When I had 135 pounds to lose it felt hopeless. I cannot believe that I am this close to my goal! Like the doctor said, you have lost 95 pounds, but the reality is that you did not gain 25 or 30 more and be over 300 pounds now! It is so true...if I did not have the surgery I can guarantee that due to stress and nerves, I would have gained at least 25 or more pounds and would definitely be over 300 pounds now! It was not just a surgery, it was a life commitment to making myself better, inside an out! So how does it feel to be smaller? Well, I can give you a few highlights... * I can cross my legs * I fit comfortably in an airplane seat and don't use the entire length of the seat belt. * I am comfy in the car * I can sit on the floor and get back up * People do not stare at me in a restaurant * People talk to me * Not being embarrassed at picnics because I don't fit in the chairs * I can buy normal clothes * I have energy to do laundry * I have energy to do a lot of things * I have more self confidence * I have more self esteem * I cry a lot less and laugh a lot more * I do not focus my entire life on food * I can go on trips and enjoy the walks and sight seeing * When Fred hugs me he can wrap his arms all the way around me * So many more, I can't tell you all of them! Looking to the future I am looking forward to a wonderful year teaching! I have more energy than I ever have and this will help put that spirit back into my teaching. Looking to the future I am looking forward to making new friends and getting closer to my old friends. With my new confidence I am able to call people and talk to them like I was never able to do before. Over this summer I have made some very good friends (you know who you are). It feels good to have the confidence in myself to open up and allow people inside. In the future I know that I will be able to handle stress and lack of confidence more positively. It hurts to know that I may have lost one of my best friends this summer. It hurts so bad in my heart and I want to call and make it better, but in this case, I know that I did not do anything wrong. I won't allow my lack of self esteem or self confidence allow me to allow anyone to walk all over me. Anyway, it is what it is. My point is that when this happened I did not turn to food...I was actually able to talk to my husband (after a few days of holding it in), listen to his advice, and move on without turning to my comfort of food! A year and a half ago I would have held this inside because I would have been embarrassed and blaming myself. Then I would have turned to food and gained 5 to 10 pounds...not the new me! I am looking forward to learning how to deal with stress without eating...please have patience with me as I learn to do this, I am new at it! My future holds so many more possibilities for me. I am looking forward to an active, confident, and positive future! Goals for my future, continue to portion my food, eating protein 1st. Drink more water (I hate when my mouth swells and hurts because I am dehydrated). Take time to do some type of exercise three to four times a week. Stay confident and continue to work out stress in more productive ways than eating. Thanks to all of you for helping me and these last 40 pounds will be the hardest!