2 years ago on August 15, 2010, I was 285+ pounds. I began a 3 month weight loss program that the insurance company made me do to PROVE that I could lose weight. I finished the program on this date in 2010 and weighed in at 274 pounds. I proved I could lose weight. Over the next two months I went to the Bahamas and stayed at an all inclusive resort. Needless to say, I gained that weight back. Finally on February 15th 2010 I was "allowed" to get the surgery I desperately needed to save my life!
I am down to 185! I have been stuck here for a few months now, but it is not bothering me. I just remember the words my wise doctor told me once when I hadn't reach a goal, "Don't be mad at yourself. You took the biggest step in your life by having this surgery. If you hadn't of taken this step, instead of losing 42 pounds you would be well over 300 pounds by now and on your death bed." Wow, what a wise man! I know I still have a long way to go to get to my goal weight, but I also know that I will be able to do it! Most importantly though is that I know I will be able to maintain that goal for the remainder of my life. Yes, I have not lost weight in a month but I have not gained any back either. I guess I might be happy if I stay this weight for the remainder of my life:)
Some might say, I took the easy way out with the surgery. No, I can't say I agree with this. It has been a slow process. It has been painful, it has been frustrating, it has been stressful, but it has taught me more about myself then I could ever have known before the challenge. During this process, I have gained some friends and lost some too. I was weak at times and let my pain and frustration come out and those who didn't understand, they left me. Those that were my true friends stayed and supported me. My one supporter that made the most impact when I saw that she was following me, passed away. Yes, it has been a difficult journey over the past two year, but in the end it has been worth it.
To those of you who are thinking of doing this surgery, do it! However, you have to know that the journey is long and not easy. You will lose friends, and you will gain new ones. You will get back your smile and your bounce. Your skin will sag where you don't want it to sag, and surgery may be out of reach for you, but you look amazing in your size 12 pants (soon to be size 10).
An example of friends that care:
I went on a girls night out last year. We went to the Safe House in Milwaukee for dinner. I did not know the password and had to make an idiot of myself in front of the entire bar. I was so humiliated because I had such a poor self image at that time. I had already lost weight, but all I saw was a fat girl with skin hanging everywhere. Then anxiety ridden, frustrated and stressed I ate to much and it was so painful. Walking back to the hotel I was so afraid I would puke in front of my friends I walked far away from them. I think they thought I was mad at them. At that point, I was not able to admit that I was in pain. I kept wanting to go into a bar, just so I could throw up and they just kept on walking. Until I was able to empty my bitty belly I would be in so much pain. Once back at the hotel, I was able to eliminate my over indulgence and enjoy the rest of the night. I look back and I can see how my friends might have thought I was a bit psycho. However, they never said a word, and continue to be my friends. I am not sure why, but I know that I am not psycho, just in pain. Lesson learned...do not over eat due to stress. Lesson learned, true friends understand when you go psycho, even if they don't know why:)
I am perfectly fine as long as I don't over indulge, eat to fast, or stress out too much. Everyone has some pain when losing weight, it is not that much, most of the time. You learn what to eat, when to eat, how fast to eat, and to chew, chew, and then chew more. It has taken me over a year to learn this and I have had help from some VERY loving, caring, friends and family.
Point being, I have lost 100 pounds (a whole person), I am off blood pressure medicine, off cholesterol medicine, I have more energy then I have had in about 30 years, I feel younger and I am a much happier, healthier person. Has the pain been worth it? YES! Would I do it again, YES! In a heart beat, especially when I see that look in Fred's eyes when he looks at me, and the feeling in his arms when he hugs me, and the laughs we have with my new found energy...it has all been worth it. No sadness for lost friends, much happiness for new friends, thankful for all my oldest and dearest friends. I am looking forward to the next challenge that comes my way:)
Myself
Friday, December 14, 2012
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Your Still the One!
34 years ago I said I do and all the odds were against us making it two
years as a married couple. We had nothing, I was pregnant, no jobs, and
very young. Like the song says:
"You're Still The One"
YOUR STILL THE ONE!
Wow, a song has never meant more to me than this one!
The journey started 36 years ago at a Holiday Inn in Gurnee. It was there that I first met my future best friend and husband, Fred. The moment I set eyes on him, I knew he was the one I wanted to be with more than anything. It took him a little longer to realize it though. It was in March of 1978 he finally asked me on a date. I said "no"...it is better to make them want you! That night I was so upset with myself. What if he never asked me out again?
The next weekend I was at my friend Sue's house and he called and asked me out again. Of course I said yes this time. Since that first date we have not been separated for more than a week or two. We are soul mates.
When I discovered I was 18 and pregnant I was scared of my future. Would Fred turn and run from responsibility? He did have plans of college and a future in carpentry. Once I admitted to him, I was pregnant, he was overjoyed and as scared as I was. We made plans for a wedding. Everyone was trying to get me to make other choices, but I chose Fred and he chose me!
We have a lucky life with our children. We made mistakes because we were young and naive, but we must have done something right, because our children love and respect us. Now we are to the best part of our lives with an empty nest (since Jason was born 5 months from our wedding date, we didn't get to know each other very well before children). We are learning to be just the two of us and how much we really do belong together. We also have the joy of being grandparents and be young enough to enjoy them. They range in age from newborn to Freshman in high school. The journey continues everyday.
We have had our good times and bad times in our 34 years of marriage, but definitely more good than bad! We grew up together, we have laughed and cried together, we have been dirt poor and we have been at the top, we have planned our futures together, supported each other when those plans changed, we have made all our decisions together from what to have for dinner, to buying a new home. He has loved me through all of my drama and through thick and thin (literally and figuratively). He is my lover, psychiatrist, doctor, and most of all he has always been and will always be my best friend!
LOVE YOU BABY! You are my rock, my hero, my husband:)
"You're Still The One"
(When I first saw you, I saw love.
And the first time you touched me, I felt love.
And after
all this time, you're still the one I love.)
Looks like we made it
Look how far we've come my baby
We mighta took the long way
We knew we'd get there someday
They said, "I bet they'll never make it"
But just look at us holding on
We're still together still going strong
(You're still the one)
You're still the one I run to
The one that I belong to
You're still the one I want for life
(You're still the one)
You're still the one that I love
The only one I dream of
You're still the one I kiss good night
Ain't nothin' better
We beat the odds together
I'm glad we didn't listen
Look at what we would be missin'
They said, "I bet they'll never make it"
But just look at us holding on
We're still together still going strong
(You're still the one)
You're still the one I run to
The one that I belong to
You're still the one I want for life
(You're still the one)
You're still the one that I love
The only one I dream of
You're still the one I kiss good night
(You're still the one)
You're still the one I run to
The one that I belong to
You're still the one I want for life
(You're still the one)
You're still the one that I love
The only one I dream of
You're still the one I kiss good night
And the first time you touched me, I felt love.
And after
all this time, you're still the one I love.)
Looks like we made it
Look how far we've come my baby
We mighta took the long way
We knew we'd get there someday
They said, "I bet they'll never make it"
But just look at us holding on
We're still together still going strong
(You're still the one)
You're still the one I run to
The one that I belong to
You're still the one I want for life
(You're still the one)
You're still the one that I love
The only one I dream of
You're still the one I kiss good night
Ain't nothin' better
We beat the odds together
I'm glad we didn't listen
Look at what we would be missin'
They said, "I bet they'll never make it"
But just look at us holding on
We're still together still going strong
(You're still the one)
You're still the one I run to
The one that I belong to
You're still the one I want for life
(You're still the one)
You're still the one that I love
The only one I dream of
You're still the one I kiss good night
(You're still the one)
You're still the one I run to
The one that I belong to
You're still the one I want for life
(You're still the one)
You're still the one that I love
The only one I dream of
You're still the one I kiss good night
YOUR STILL THE ONE!
Wow, a song has never meant more to me than this one!
The journey started 36 years ago at a Holiday Inn in Gurnee. It was there that I first met my future best friend and husband, Fred. The moment I set eyes on him, I knew he was the one I wanted to be with more than anything. It took him a little longer to realize it though. It was in March of 1978 he finally asked me on a date. I said "no"...it is better to make them want you! That night I was so upset with myself. What if he never asked me out again?
The next weekend I was at my friend Sue's house and he called and asked me out again. Of course I said yes this time. Since that first date we have not been separated for more than a week or two. We are soul mates.
When I discovered I was 18 and pregnant I was scared of my future. Would Fred turn and run from responsibility? He did have plans of college and a future in carpentry. Once I admitted to him, I was pregnant, he was overjoyed and as scared as I was. We made plans for a wedding. Everyone was trying to get me to make other choices, but I chose Fred and he chose me!
We have a lucky life with our children. We made mistakes because we were young and naive, but we must have done something right, because our children love and respect us. Now we are to the best part of our lives with an empty nest (since Jason was born 5 months from our wedding date, we didn't get to know each other very well before children). We are learning to be just the two of us and how much we really do belong together. We also have the joy of being grandparents and be young enough to enjoy them. They range in age from newborn to Freshman in high school. The journey continues everyday.
We have had our good times and bad times in our 34 years of marriage, but definitely more good than bad! We grew up together, we have laughed and cried together, we have been dirt poor and we have been at the top, we have planned our futures together, supported each other when those plans changed, we have made all our decisions together from what to have for dinner, to buying a new home. He has loved me through all of my drama and through thick and thin (literally and figuratively). He is my lover, psychiatrist, doctor, and most of all he has always been and will always be my best friend!
LOVE YOU BABY! You are my rock, my hero, my husband:)
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
It is what it is!
Let me see, where do I begin? I have been through a lot in the last few months. I am at 100 pounds lost and feeling really good! I have the saggy skin now and it bothers me more now. I guess at first I was proud that I had lost all that weight and the hanging arms was a sign of success, now it is just a reminder of where I was. I wish I was rich! It is what it is! "It is what it is" happens to be my new motto. Today I am going to focus my blog on Family, Friends, and Work and how through it all, "IT IS WHAT IT IS!"
Friendship is a very hard subject for me to discuss. I really do not feel like I have very many "friends". I have people that love me and support me, but I don't think I have many friends, outside of family, that really truly know me and understand me. It really is not their fault, it is mine. I don't allow anyone inside because I have trust issues, if I can't trust you, I am not your friend. Through my life I have let people in to my life, heart, and soul only to be reminded that when it comes right down to it, when you really, really need them, they let you down. They get tired of your complaining, bragging, they stop listening or they do something stupid and they lose my trust. I have about three friends that I know are my best friends. I have had these friends for many years. Not that I talk to them every day, but I know if I called them, they would be there for me! I trust them to be there if I need them! You know who you are:) I also have friends that I love and I love to hang out with, but I don't let them in to the real me. They know me as a coworker or a friend of a friend, or someone fun to hang out with, but they don't know the real me. Best of all I am in the process of making new friends everyday! The good news is that I think I am in the process of making a new friend. I have one new person in my life that I think will be a best friend, I feel so comfortable with her and trust her with all my thoughts and secrets and she in return has let me into her life. It is exciting to make new friends. I am opening my self up more and more to accepting people in to my life. With opening yourself up, sometimes you set yourself up for disappointments, it is what it is though.
Family is where it is at! I look at my husband and wonder...why...why do you love me? In the long run the answer to that question can never be answered to my satisfaction. The fact is he does love me and that is all that matters. My husband is not perfect, but he is perfect for me! October 7th will be our 34th anniversary!!!!!! For a couple that were not suppose to last a year, we certainly have proved the statistics wrong. How did we last this long? Love, laughter, talking, arguing, making up, and just loving to be together! I never put anything above my love for him, not kids, money, jobs, or anything. I knew that someday the kids would grow up and leave and I would be left alone with my husband. In order for us to survive I needed to make sure I still had his love when they left the nest or I wouldn't have anything...they have all flown the nest and we are still as in love today as we were 34 years ago, and in many ways more in love than ever! In the last few months I have learned that my husband is more sensitive than I had ever thought in my life with him. I am working harder than ever to be more empathetic to his sensitivity. It is what it is and it is great!
My children...what can I say? I must have done something right in this area. Sure I made some HUGE mistakes as a parent, I could have been more sympathetic to their needs when they were little, but they always knew how much I truly loved them. They are all married to wonderful people, they are all wonderful parents, they all have excellent careers, and most of all they appreciate what I have done for them in their life of growing up. When they call just to say "I love you" That is truly the highlight of my life. It lets me know that even with all the mistakes I have made, I must have done something right to have my children love me as much as they do. I can't do everything for them and I can't make it all great for them, but I can be there for them when they need me! It is what it is and I love them with all my heart!
I also have the best sister in the world! I wish I could see her more often, but again, it is what it is:) When we do see each other it is like we are 10 and 12 again and my jaws hurt from the laughter. I could never have asked for a better sister in the world. My other sister is more difficult. I am trying hard to allow her back in my life, but it really difficult! I feel I need her in my life, I am not sure if I can have her in my life. It is a difficult situation and I need to deal with it, someday, not today. But no matter what she is my sister and I do love her, just not sure if I like her. Maybe the trust will come back, just not there yet. It is what it is and I have learned to accept my trust limits.
My husbands family is my family! I love them all and I know that if I ever needed anything they would all be there for me. I am so glad I have all of them in my life!!!! Dad, sisters, brothers, cousins, nieces, nephews, aunts and uncles! They are are so special to me! The best days of my memories are spending holidays and pool days with this extended family. They accept me for who I am. In the last few months I have moved closer the the family and it has been great to get to know them better. It is what it is and it is not perfect, but it is mine...my family
My mom is a whole post of its own! Love her with all my heart and of all the people in the world she is by far my best friend! She is the person that created me and made me who I am! You should be proud mom, you did a great job. At least I think you did;) In the last few months I have thought about life without my mom and then I realize I don't want to think about it! It is to hard a concept to envision. I love you and don't think I can live without you in my life. It is what it is and you are the best mom in the world!
I have complained so much about work, I just want the world to know how lucky I am to be a teacher! I love the students and I love being with them everyday. I don't know what I would do without their smiles and laughter. This year I went back from my summer with a new outlook on my teaching. I am not there to make friends, I am there to make the lives of my students better, not the lives of my coworkers. I am there to be a teacher and not make friends. If people don't like me, it is okay...as long as you can work with me on a professional level, that is all that matters. In the past 6 months I have been let down by so many coworkers that I thought were friends. It made me a negative person, and there is no room for negativity at work! I learned that no one you work with is a friend, unless they support you in work and out of work. I have many people at work that are friends, and I have many people at work that pretend to be my friend. It is fine to pretend, but when it comes to my heart, don't break it! If I can't trust you to support me when we are in a meeting and you know I need the support you are not a friend, you are a coworker. If you think you can do my job better, you are not a friend you are a coworker. If you say, "yes" to taking something away from me without even thinking about how it would effect me and you are more concerned with promoting your career over our friendship than we are not friends. That is fine, just don't pretend. It is what it is, you made the choice, not me! I can still work with you, I can still like you, but I just don't think I can ever trust you again, and trust is what a friendship is all about. I learned that I cannot step over that line with many coworkers. When you put your heart out there and you get nothing in return it hurts. It is really funny, but with some coworkers you think they are friends, but once they leave or you leave, they are gone from your life too. That means they were never really a friend, they were coworkers...I can't believe it took me so long to figure this out...I do this all the time to people and didn't even realize I was doing it to them. So many times I have stepped over the line and trusted a coworker to be a friend and when it came right down to it, they were just a coworker and not a friend...silly me! Don't get me wrong, all of my coworkers reading this, I have MANY friends where I work and I trust you! You know who you are, I tell you things I would never tell a coworker, I trust you! Some of you were coworkers, now you are not and we are still friends, I trust you! In the last year I have found that some, "friends" that I work with were not really friends, it is sad, but it is what it is, just don't trust them with your heart and secrets ever again. I am still open to making a coworker a friend, but it is really difficult to weed out the real friends over just a coworker. I may have trust issues in the future with all coworkers. It is what it is and it is work, not a social club!
I tend to write a lot when I have nervous energy...Sara is due any minute and I am so anxious to meet baby Holly! Tonight at 5pm will be the induction. It is what it is and we will find out soon if it is a boy or a girl!
It is what it is and it is great to be alive and loved by so many people, the ones that truly love me for me, the ones I trust, the ones that are in it for both of us...you know who you are! Love you:)
Friendship is a very hard subject for me to discuss. I really do not feel like I have very many "friends". I have people that love me and support me, but I don't think I have many friends, outside of family, that really truly know me and understand me. It really is not their fault, it is mine. I don't allow anyone inside because I have trust issues, if I can't trust you, I am not your friend. Through my life I have let people in to my life, heart, and soul only to be reminded that when it comes right down to it, when you really, really need them, they let you down. They get tired of your complaining, bragging, they stop listening or they do something stupid and they lose my trust. I have about three friends that I know are my best friends. I have had these friends for many years. Not that I talk to them every day, but I know if I called them, they would be there for me! I trust them to be there if I need them! You know who you are:) I also have friends that I love and I love to hang out with, but I don't let them in to the real me. They know me as a coworker or a friend of a friend, or someone fun to hang out with, but they don't know the real me. Best of all I am in the process of making new friends everyday! The good news is that I think I am in the process of making a new friend. I have one new person in my life that I think will be a best friend, I feel so comfortable with her and trust her with all my thoughts and secrets and she in return has let me into her life. It is exciting to make new friends. I am opening my self up more and more to accepting people in to my life. With opening yourself up, sometimes you set yourself up for disappointments, it is what it is though.
Family is where it is at! I look at my husband and wonder...why...why do you love me? In the long run the answer to that question can never be answered to my satisfaction. The fact is he does love me and that is all that matters. My husband is not perfect, but he is perfect for me! October 7th will be our 34th anniversary!!!!!! For a couple that were not suppose to last a year, we certainly have proved the statistics wrong. How did we last this long? Love, laughter, talking, arguing, making up, and just loving to be together! I never put anything above my love for him, not kids, money, jobs, or anything. I knew that someday the kids would grow up and leave and I would be left alone with my husband. In order for us to survive I needed to make sure I still had his love when they left the nest or I wouldn't have anything...they have all flown the nest and we are still as in love today as we were 34 years ago, and in many ways more in love than ever! In the last few months I have learned that my husband is more sensitive than I had ever thought in my life with him. I am working harder than ever to be more empathetic to his sensitivity. It is what it is and it is great!
My children...what can I say? I must have done something right in this area. Sure I made some HUGE mistakes as a parent, I could have been more sympathetic to their needs when they were little, but they always knew how much I truly loved them. They are all married to wonderful people, they are all wonderful parents, they all have excellent careers, and most of all they appreciate what I have done for them in their life of growing up. When they call just to say "I love you" That is truly the highlight of my life. It lets me know that even with all the mistakes I have made, I must have done something right to have my children love me as much as they do. I can't do everything for them and I can't make it all great for them, but I can be there for them when they need me! It is what it is and I love them with all my heart!
I also have the best sister in the world! I wish I could see her more often, but again, it is what it is:) When we do see each other it is like we are 10 and 12 again and my jaws hurt from the laughter. I could never have asked for a better sister in the world. My other sister is more difficult. I am trying hard to allow her back in my life, but it really difficult! I feel I need her in my life, I am not sure if I can have her in my life. It is a difficult situation and I need to deal with it, someday, not today. But no matter what she is my sister and I do love her, just not sure if I like her. Maybe the trust will come back, just not there yet. It is what it is and I have learned to accept my trust limits.
My husbands family is my family! I love them all and I know that if I ever needed anything they would all be there for me. I am so glad I have all of them in my life!!!! Dad, sisters, brothers, cousins, nieces, nephews, aunts and uncles! They are are so special to me! The best days of my memories are spending holidays and pool days with this extended family. They accept me for who I am. In the last few months I have moved closer the the family and it has been great to get to know them better. It is what it is and it is not perfect, but it is mine...my family
My mom is a whole post of its own! Love her with all my heart and of all the people in the world she is by far my best friend! She is the person that created me and made me who I am! You should be proud mom, you did a great job. At least I think you did;) In the last few months I have thought about life without my mom and then I realize I don't want to think about it! It is to hard a concept to envision. I love you and don't think I can live without you in my life. It is what it is and you are the best mom in the world!
I have complained so much about work, I just want the world to know how lucky I am to be a teacher! I love the students and I love being with them everyday. I don't know what I would do without their smiles and laughter. This year I went back from my summer with a new outlook on my teaching. I am not there to make friends, I am there to make the lives of my students better, not the lives of my coworkers. I am there to be a teacher and not make friends. If people don't like me, it is okay...as long as you can work with me on a professional level, that is all that matters. In the past 6 months I have been let down by so many coworkers that I thought were friends. It made me a negative person, and there is no room for negativity at work! I learned that no one you work with is a friend, unless they support you in work and out of work. I have many people at work that are friends, and I have many people at work that pretend to be my friend. It is fine to pretend, but when it comes to my heart, don't break it! If I can't trust you to support me when we are in a meeting and you know I need the support you are not a friend, you are a coworker. If you think you can do my job better, you are not a friend you are a coworker. If you say, "yes" to taking something away from me without even thinking about how it would effect me and you are more concerned with promoting your career over our friendship than we are not friends. That is fine, just don't pretend. It is what it is, you made the choice, not me! I can still work with you, I can still like you, but I just don't think I can ever trust you again, and trust is what a friendship is all about. I learned that I cannot step over that line with many coworkers. When you put your heart out there and you get nothing in return it hurts. It is really funny, but with some coworkers you think they are friends, but once they leave or you leave, they are gone from your life too. That means they were never really a friend, they were coworkers...I can't believe it took me so long to figure this out...I do this all the time to people and didn't even realize I was doing it to them. So many times I have stepped over the line and trusted a coworker to be a friend and when it came right down to it, they were just a coworker and not a friend...silly me! Don't get me wrong, all of my coworkers reading this, I have MANY friends where I work and I trust you! You know who you are, I tell you things I would never tell a coworker, I trust you! Some of you were coworkers, now you are not and we are still friends, I trust you! In the last year I have found that some, "friends" that I work with were not really friends, it is sad, but it is what it is, just don't trust them with your heart and secrets ever again. I am still open to making a coworker a friend, but it is really difficult to weed out the real friends over just a coworker. I may have trust issues in the future with all coworkers. It is what it is and it is work, not a social club!
I tend to write a lot when I have nervous energy...Sara is due any minute and I am so anxious to meet baby Holly! Tonight at 5pm will be the induction. It is what it is and we will find out soon if it is a boy or a girl!
It is what it is and it is great to be alive and loved by so many people, the ones that truly love me for me, the ones I trust, the ones that are in it for both of us...you know who you are! Love you:)
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Looking to the Future
Wow! It has been 17 months since my surgery. In this time I have lost 95 pounds and went from a size 26 to a size 12. When I had 135 pounds to lose it felt hopeless. I cannot believe that I am this close to my goal! Like the doctor said, you have lost 95 pounds, but the reality is that you did not gain 25 or 30 more and be over 300 pounds now! It is so true...if I did not have the surgery I can guarantee that due to stress and nerves, I would have gained at least 25 or more pounds and would definitely be over 300 pounds now! It was not just a surgery, it was a life commitment to making myself better, inside an out!
So how does it feel to be smaller? Well, I can give you a few highlights...
* I can cross my legs
* I fit comfortably in an airplane seat and don't use the entire length of the seat belt.
* I am comfy in the car
* I can sit on the floor and get back up
* People do not stare at me in a restaurant
* People talk to me
* Not being embarrassed at picnics because I don't fit in the chairs
* I can buy normal clothes
* I have energy to do laundry
* I have energy to do a lot of things
* I have more self confidence
* I have more self esteem
* I cry a lot less and laugh a lot more
* I do not focus my entire life on food
* I can go on trips and enjoy the walks and sight seeing
* When Fred hugs me he can wrap his arms all the way around me
* So many more, I can't tell you all of them!
Looking to the future I am looking forward to a wonderful year teaching! I have more energy than I ever have and this will help put that spirit back into my teaching.
Looking to the future I am looking forward to making new friends and getting closer to my old friends. With my new confidence I am able to call people and talk to them like I was never able to do before. Over this summer I have made some very good friends (you know who you are). It feels good to have the confidence in myself to open up and allow people inside.
In the future I know that I will be able to handle stress and lack of confidence more positively. It hurts to know that I may have lost one of my best friends this summer. It hurts so bad in my heart and I want to call and make it better, but in this case, I know that I did not do anything wrong. I won't allow my lack of self esteem or self confidence allow me to allow anyone to walk all over me. Anyway, it is what it is. My point is that when this happened I did not turn to food...I was actually able to talk to my husband (after a few days of holding it in), listen to his advice, and move on without turning to my comfort of food! A year and a half ago I would have held this inside because I would have been embarrassed and blaming myself. Then I would have turned to food and gained 5 to 10 pounds...not the new me! I am looking forward to learning how to deal with stress without eating...please have patience with me as I learn to do this, I am new at it!
My future holds so many more possibilities for me. I am looking forward to an active, confident, and positive future!
Goals for my future, continue to portion my food, eating protein 1st. Drink more water (I hate when my mouth swells and hurts because I am dehydrated). Take time to do some type of exercise three to four times a week. Stay confident and continue to work out stress in more productive ways than eating.
Thanks to all of you for helping me and these last 40 pounds will be the hardest!
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Restart
I need to restart! I need to set new goals, and get moving on them. I have need to lose this last 50 pounds! I need to get back to my healthy eating and exercising.
The one healthy habit that I have gotten away from is not eating out. Sure it is easy and makes life more fun, but I cannot eat a healthy diet when I eat out! The one goal I am starting at this time is to only eat out 1 time a week. When I do eat out that one time a week, I will make sure to order health food! I will start this today and I will measure this goal in one month to make sure I have kept this promise to myself. I am sure that if I do this, I will be able to lose at least one more pound per week...so in one month I should be able to lose 10 pounds!
Please send me some more ideas on how to get healthy, again! Anything from what I eat to ideas on exercising. I need your help! I need a pick me up!!!
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Dragonflies
Some of you who know me well, will think that this is crazy, but it did happen!
Dragonflies symbolize freedom, change, and good luck. When looking for an idea for my first tattoo I immediately wanted a dragonfly! My surgery was the change, the weight loss is my freedom, and I needed good luck for my new life. I am sharing this with you because this morning there were at least a thousand dragonflies in my side yard. Now anyone who knows me, knows that I am not the most religious person in the world. Yes, I have my doubts in heaven and God, but I have faith that their is something that cannot be seen or explained. I know that everything happens for a reason, and that reason may not be clear to us, but if we wait long enough, the truth will show itself.
This morning I think that changed in a way I can never explain, but I will try! As I was drinking coffee in my yard this morning. I looked over the field and I saw about a thousand dragonflies over the field! When I saw the dragonflies I thought... I need to send them off to help those that need help. My thoughts told me that not all the freedom would be good, it may be a freedom from a life of pain, it may be a release from physical pain, or emotional pain. It could be a change in the way one thinks or acts. If I send them off those that I am thinking about will either have freedom, a change, or good luck! I thought of all my friends and family that needed freedom, change or luck and I sent them off, faces and prayers came flooding into my head and then I sent them off. When I sent them off and I had all the faces and thoughts flood my head, the village came with their lawn mowers and the dragonflies took off! It was an amazing sight!
I am hoping that these dragonflies will bring freedom or change or good luck to you! I know mine has for me!
Friday, June 8, 2012
Regrets and Non-Regrets
Finally! I am now under 200 pounds! I have 45 pounds to my goal weight!!!! What an experience. I cannot believe how much weight effects your life, from going up stairs to sleeping at night. The biggest difference in my life is that I have learned to love myself again, which is by far the hardest thing I have done through this journey. I can honestly say that when I look in the mirror, I love the reflection that looks back at me. I smile at myself! No, I am not being vain, I am being honest. I can actually go into a store and buy clothes that I like. My daughter told me I had to go to the more "mature" section. What she doesn't understand is that I have been in the "mature" section since I was 23 years old. I want to buy the "cool" clothes I wasn't able to buy when I was that age! I know that the clothes I wear are to young for me, but it feels GOOD! I will stop and go back to mature in a little while, but right now I need to be the young lady I could not be back then. It has been a lot of years since I have felt this good about myself. I know that when I look in the mirror, my reflection is far from perfect. It goes deeper than that, it is that I glow with life, this is something I have not seen for years. I see what all my friends see, but I never could. In the last year, I have learned to accept a compliment. This is really difficult when your entire life you have gotten compliments, and you know they are half-hearted. Now, when I hear that compliment, I can smile and say thank-you...because I actually believe it myself!
At first the weight went off fast and I was so thrilled, then it was a slower process and I was frustrated. Now I look at it as, it is only a pound, but it is a pound lost, not a pound gained. It may take me another year to lose the last 45 pounds, but at least it is 45 pounds and not 130 pounds! If I had not had this surgery, I would be well over three hundred pounds today. I will NEVER regret that I did this surgery. Yes, there are times I watch someone eat a big bite of a brat, or a huge bite of a juicy burger and I WISH that I could do that again. Then I look in the mirror and I remember what I did this for, my health!
It really is not that difficult to...eat slow, chew extra long, and limit my amount! Yes, if I eat too fast, or I don't chew, I throw up...don't feel sorry for me! I know better and yet I haven't learned. It is the one aspect of this surgery that sucks, but it is the price I pay for many years of abuse to my body.
If you are not heavy and you are reading this...I weighed 120 pounds when I had my first son at 19, lost the weight in about 6 months, then had my second at 23, never lost that weight and gained some. Then had my 3rd at 25 and never looked back. It was as if it was a useless cause, lose 20 pounds to gain 25 back. I want to preach to you...DON'T let your weight get this out of control before you do something about it. This surgery has saved my life and I will never regret having the surgery, what I regret is that I got so out of control and I had to have the surgery in the first place.
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Confusion!?
Well, here it is a year and three months since surgery day...I FINALLY know my limits on food! I can still enjoy all the flavors that I love, just a whole lot less! I know I can only eat a small amount and don't try to push it with that "one more bite". I started exercising by doing the C25K. The first day it went well, the next time, it was really difficult. Now I am afraid of failure so I haven't been back. I think that I get so afraid of failing that it is easier to just not try. However, I had a really long ride to my sister's house and then home and I did a lot of thinking. I need to do it and failure is not an option. Tomorrow I will be back on track to my 1st 5K.
I am so excited for this summer with the new house and my new self. I think it is going to be the best one in years. I look forward to Niagara Falls, swimming at dad's house, and fixing up this house. I love that I am in such a good place.
Now on the other end...physically I feel awesome and things are looking up for me. However, my psyche is not doing so well. I keep thinking that I should no longer teach. Since I am not allowed to write anything in here that could make my coworkers or students look bad, I will leave it at that. I love teaching, I love when that light goes on in their head and they get it...I love laughing with my students and I love being there for them when they need me. What I don't like is when parents and staff members judge me and want me to be who I am not. When they think it is so easy and they haven't got a clue. I hate when people don't understand me and they don't try to understand me. I REALLY hate when I am judged and the judgement is unfair. I only want everyone to be happy and if that is a crime, fire me and quit dragging me through the mud all the time! I really have lost all my self-esteem this year and it hurts to the core of my being! I did not know that teaching was so full of politics...I thought that the union was there to back teachers and not the administration. I am really, really sad that I hate to go to work! The only time I am happy is when I am teaching my students and they are having fun...with our crappy curriculum I barely ever get to teach and have fun. I am forced to test students,do interventions, and teach to the lowest 35% of the students in my class and the other students feel cheated. I get it, I hate it too. I tried to switch positions and to find a place where I would be happy, but that was pulled out from under me too through political bull-crap! So what do I do? How do I get my self esteem back, am I that bad of a teacher? Do I believe what people say? I am so sad...is it worth the pain to continue doing what I love? I have tried to stay out of the politics, but you just can't...it finds you!
Well, life is so confusing...am I a good person, or bad...am I a good teacher, or bad...am I a good coworker, or bad, am I a good friend, or bad...am I a good mom, or bad? Confused and right now I am not liking myself at all...but hey I look better...or do I?
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Want to Figure it Out!
I have had so much success...I am now a size 12, yet, I still have the mind of a 300 pound woman. I went to dinner tonight and ordered three hard tacos. My mind is still bigger than tummy! Anyway, I eat two and I take a bite of the the third. Rushing to the bathroom I get rid of one taco. When will my mind catch up to my stomach? I know I can't eat that much and yet I continue to eat it. I am so tired of my mind taking over my hunger controls. I just want to remember, this is all I can eat and screw you mind! I need a psychiatrist! LOL!!! I just need to remember that I cannot eat what I want when I want anymore:)
So long since I wrote in here...SARA IS HAVING A BABY! I am so excited!!!! She is due in September and I am just waiting for the day to get here. She is going to be a great mom!!
Work is work...I feel all the frustration of the district and it feels like it is all on my shoulders. I wish I could do something to make it better for all...but I can't. So I go to work and do what I do best and teach...
So long since I wrote in here...SARA IS HAVING A BABY! I am so excited!!!! She is due in September and I am just waiting for the day to get here. She is going to be a great mom!!
Work is work...I feel all the frustration of the district and it feels like it is all on my shoulders. I wish I could do something to make it better for all...but I can't. So I go to work and do what I do best and teach...
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Linda's Hot Topic!
I have been home sick today (stomach flu...not good...more on that later) and I have been watching the news about Starr Jones and her interview with the ladies. Let me give you an outside perspective...
First of all, weight loss surgery is not an easy process physically or emotionally. Starr was embarrassed that she had let her weight get so out of control. She was in control of everything, except this one aspect of her life. She admitted that she didn't even want to admit that she didn't like being heavy. The decision for weight loss surgery is not an easy decision. This surgery changes your WHOLE life.
Some changes you go through are physical, you start losing weight and you start feeling better, but you are also recovering from a major surgery on your body. It takes a toll on you. After you lose that 60 or 70 pounds your skin starts sagging and you begin to wonder if you will ever feel normal again. You hit a plateau and you wonder "what did I do this for?" I am such a loser, then it starts coming off again...I bet it is very similar to being bipolar - you have GREAT days and you have REALLY BAD days too. Sometimes it is as if you are outside your body looking in at a total stranger. It is really difficult to hear people call you skinny or thin, you know you aren't, why do they say that...why not just wow you look good!
When you go from heavy to looking better you start to look at all your friends and families a little different. First, they question your motives for this surgery..."you aren't that heavy" REALLY???? I suppose if I listened to all the people telling me that I would have chickened out...thank the lord that I looked at the facts and not all the nice people. Then when you start losing weight they are simply "AMAZED" at how good you look. Again, REALLY? Because I looked so "hot" when I was 285 pounds. You start getting asked to do things no one ever asked you to do, people that wouldn't talk to you all of a sudden talk to you. It is such a different life. I am so happy that I have all my amazing family and friends and I am so glad that they are proud of me and look at me differently...especially my husband Fred! He is amazed at my change and he has been so supportive! I love him so much.
Emotionally you are like a rock star going to rehab, but need to live your life as if everything is normal. Because you are self conscious. You are losing weight and your clothes start to sag and you are really proud, but you don't want to look conceited. You also want to hide, it has been so easy to lose the weight the first 6 months you feel guilty...I should have been able to do this without surgery. You have to remind yourself that you did try and you did fail, time after time. Are people saying, if she only dieted she could have done this? I worry about that all the time.
I wanted to talk about my weight loss all the time and everyone else was so over it all ready. I needed their support and felt like I was being a baby and that they just thought I needed attention...I really didn't want the attention, I wanted the approval, to be needed, to be the center of attention again for a few minutes to bring that self confidence back I felt in the beginning. I guess this should not be past tense:)
You are an emotional roller coaster! You don't know what to do, how to feel, who to believe. You over react to everything or you don't react at all. You want the world to be all about you and you get angry when it isn't. You want people to remember you are going through so many changes and it is not that you hate them you snapped, it is because your body is changing every second you breath, you haven't learned how to change all those bad habits and it is killing you inside you can't sit down and eat a bag of chips to feel better. Your drug has been taken from you and you are going through withdrawal...literally! There are times I shake because my body craves something to make it less stressed, less anxious, less nervous, less bored...what drugs do for rock stars...food did for me! It made me feel good and comfortable...it was what I thought about all day and lived to find the best...it is a withdrawal like nothing I have ever experienced...even when I quit smoking. I am a foodholich and I live this this the rest of my life, surgery was just to help me, not to fix me...I have to do that myself...and it is an emotional nightmare!
So, when you judge Starr and why she did what she did think about what I have said, why didn't she want to admit it to the world she had surgery...because she wasn't ready to admit it yet to herself. She wasn't emotionally ready. She did what she needed to do to succeed in her life. She did not viciously do what she did when she announced her leaving, she did it to stand up for herself. They said she had 5 great years and then one bad year, that was the hardest year of her life with having that surgery...you should give her some credit and leave her alone.
I also want to say that if you know anyone that has to lose weight and is "grossly obese" weight loss surgery is not a quick cure, but it does help and it forces you to make the decisions you were not able to make before the surgery. You still have to make life changes and learn to live without food and with activity, but it is a step in the right direction! It is not easy to lose weight anyway you do it, but at least the weight loss surgery gave me one tool I was missing, control over how much I eat...it is still my decision what to eat!
I also want to say that I am glad I never was anything but up front about my surgery with everyone. I am embarrassed to say that I was going to do it, and now that I did it...I wish to hell that I could say I did it with diet and exercise alone, but I am do not regret my decision in anyway! With my fill a week ago I am back on track again and plan on losing at least 20 more pounds by summer:) Wish me luck! Love all of you!!!!
First of all, weight loss surgery is not an easy process physically or emotionally. Starr was embarrassed that she had let her weight get so out of control. She was in control of everything, except this one aspect of her life. She admitted that she didn't even want to admit that she didn't like being heavy. The decision for weight loss surgery is not an easy decision. This surgery changes your WHOLE life.
Some changes you go through are physical, you start losing weight and you start feeling better, but you are also recovering from a major surgery on your body. It takes a toll on you. After you lose that 60 or 70 pounds your skin starts sagging and you begin to wonder if you will ever feel normal again. You hit a plateau and you wonder "what did I do this for?" I am such a loser, then it starts coming off again...I bet it is very similar to being bipolar - you have GREAT days and you have REALLY BAD days too. Sometimes it is as if you are outside your body looking in at a total stranger. It is really difficult to hear people call you skinny or thin, you know you aren't, why do they say that...why not just wow you look good!
When you go from heavy to looking better you start to look at all your friends and families a little different. First, they question your motives for this surgery..."you aren't that heavy" REALLY???? I suppose if I listened to all the people telling me that I would have chickened out...thank the lord that I looked at the facts and not all the nice people. Then when you start losing weight they are simply "AMAZED" at how good you look. Again, REALLY? Because I looked so "hot" when I was 285 pounds. You start getting asked to do things no one ever asked you to do, people that wouldn't talk to you all of a sudden talk to you. It is such a different life. I am so happy that I have all my amazing family and friends and I am so glad that they are proud of me and look at me differently...especially my husband Fred! He is amazed at my change and he has been so supportive! I love him so much.
Emotionally you are like a rock star going to rehab, but need to live your life as if everything is normal. Because you are self conscious. You are losing weight and your clothes start to sag and you are really proud, but you don't want to look conceited. You also want to hide, it has been so easy to lose the weight the first 6 months you feel guilty...I should have been able to do this without surgery. You have to remind yourself that you did try and you did fail, time after time. Are people saying, if she only dieted she could have done this? I worry about that all the time.
I wanted to talk about my weight loss all the time and everyone else was so over it all ready. I needed their support and felt like I was being a baby and that they just thought I needed attention...I really didn't want the attention, I wanted the approval, to be needed, to be the center of attention again for a few minutes to bring that self confidence back I felt in the beginning. I guess this should not be past tense:)
You are an emotional roller coaster! You don't know what to do, how to feel, who to believe. You over react to everything or you don't react at all. You want the world to be all about you and you get angry when it isn't. You want people to remember you are going through so many changes and it is not that you hate them you snapped, it is because your body is changing every second you breath, you haven't learned how to change all those bad habits and it is killing you inside you can't sit down and eat a bag of chips to feel better. Your drug has been taken from you and you are going through withdrawal...literally! There are times I shake because my body craves something to make it less stressed, less anxious, less nervous, less bored...what drugs do for rock stars...food did for me! It made me feel good and comfortable...it was what I thought about all day and lived to find the best...it is a withdrawal like nothing I have ever experienced...even when I quit smoking. I am a foodholich and I live this this the rest of my life, surgery was just to help me, not to fix me...I have to do that myself...and it is an emotional nightmare!
So, when you judge Starr and why she did what she did think about what I have said, why didn't she want to admit it to the world she had surgery...because she wasn't ready to admit it yet to herself. She wasn't emotionally ready. She did what she needed to do to succeed in her life. She did not viciously do what she did when she announced her leaving, she did it to stand up for herself. They said she had 5 great years and then one bad year, that was the hardest year of her life with having that surgery...you should give her some credit and leave her alone.
I also want to say that if you know anyone that has to lose weight and is "grossly obese" weight loss surgery is not a quick cure, but it does help and it forces you to make the decisions you were not able to make before the surgery. You still have to make life changes and learn to live without food and with activity, but it is a step in the right direction! It is not easy to lose weight anyway you do it, but at least the weight loss surgery gave me one tool I was missing, control over how much I eat...it is still my decision what to eat!
I also want to say that I am glad I never was anything but up front about my surgery with everyone. I am embarrassed to say that I was going to do it, and now that I did it...I wish to hell that I could say I did it with diet and exercise alone, but I am do not regret my decision in anyway! With my fill a week ago I am back on track again and plan on losing at least 20 more pounds by summer:) Wish me luck! Love all of you!!!!
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Changes
Wow, can you believe it has been almost a year since the surgery? The weight coming off has slowed significantly and I am afraid to get another fill. The last fill I had back in...well a long time ago was an over fill and the pain was awful. I had such a problem getting some removed, I just can't bare that again. I have fallen back into some old habits and I am not proud of that, I also don't feel that I am being as supported as I once was. I guess after a year it is no longer new, people forget that I am still struggling. I also stopped reaching out as I didn't want people to think I was seeking attention. Just so all of you know I am not out of the woods yet.
Since August 17th I have only lost 13 pounds. I know it is still 13 pounds, but it should have been 30. I need to get out there and exercise...I know all the excuses and I use them everyday. I am not liking the way my arms look all saggy and droopy, it is really gross...can't afford any surgery. I am surprised that my stomach isn't gross yet. I have wrinkly legs which I don't like either. I do feel healthier though and I am really on the right track, just need to stick with it!
Changes - so many changes - I am so much more confident, so much more caring, so much more of the person I knew I could be. I am living my dream of moving to Wadsworth in an old farm house...I have the energy to work on it and make it nice. My family is being completed with Sara getting married and talking about starting a family. I have more friends today than I have ever had in my entire life! I feel like I belong and I am here for a reason. I love my new life!
Last night, for the first time ever, my sleep apnea monitor alarm rang. I was in this really deep sleep having this weird dream and I hear this really weird noise in my dream and it slowly draws me to wake up and I look around and I hear this noise and it is coming from my machine...it was really scary. I wanted to wake Fred up and have him hold me, but he was so sound asleep and he has a hard time sleeping. I was really scared though. I am glad I have an appointment next week with the doctor to ask him about it. I am not sure if the correct protocol is to call him, or just let it go. Then I was thinking, maybe I was dreaming the whole time, what if it was a noise in the house I am not used to yet...but I am positive it was my machine alarming. Anyway...it was scary!
Well, as my son says, I need to make some goals and stick with them...my goal is to NOT eat any snacks on Super Bowl Sunday! I will eat my regular meals, some hummus and pita chips or veggies. I need to lay off the wine...even though it is soooo good, stop eating out, and make my breakfast and lunch everyday...oh and start portioning my food again! I think that is enough for awhile...please don't forget that I am still in need of that support! If you see me eating something I shouldn't it is okay to say something! If you see me drinking from a straw...remind me it is not good for me! If you see me sitting around, remind me to get up and move:) Yeah, I get upset, but I need a kick in the butt every now and then, and it also reminds me that I have people that care:)
Since August 17th I have only lost 13 pounds. I know it is still 13 pounds, but it should have been 30. I need to get out there and exercise...I know all the excuses and I use them everyday. I am not liking the way my arms look all saggy and droopy, it is really gross...can't afford any surgery. I am surprised that my stomach isn't gross yet. I have wrinkly legs which I don't like either. I do feel healthier though and I am really on the right track, just need to stick with it!
Changes - so many changes - I am so much more confident, so much more caring, so much more of the person I knew I could be. I am living my dream of moving to Wadsworth in an old farm house...I have the energy to work on it and make it nice. My family is being completed with Sara getting married and talking about starting a family. I have more friends today than I have ever had in my entire life! I feel like I belong and I am here for a reason. I love my new life!
Last night, for the first time ever, my sleep apnea monitor alarm rang. I was in this really deep sleep having this weird dream and I hear this really weird noise in my dream and it slowly draws me to wake up and I look around and I hear this noise and it is coming from my machine...it was really scary. I wanted to wake Fred up and have him hold me, but he was so sound asleep and he has a hard time sleeping. I was really scared though. I am glad I have an appointment next week with the doctor to ask him about it. I am not sure if the correct protocol is to call him, or just let it go. Then I was thinking, maybe I was dreaming the whole time, what if it was a noise in the house I am not used to yet...but I am positive it was my machine alarming. Anyway...it was scary!
Well, as my son says, I need to make some goals and stick with them...my goal is to NOT eat any snacks on Super Bowl Sunday! I will eat my regular meals, some hummus and pita chips or veggies. I need to lay off the wine...even though it is soooo good, stop eating out, and make my breakfast and lunch everyday...oh and start portioning my food again! I think that is enough for awhile...please don't forget that I am still in need of that support! If you see me eating something I shouldn't it is okay to say something! If you see me drinking from a straw...remind me it is not good for me! If you see me sitting around, remind me to get up and move:) Yeah, I get upset, but I need a kick in the butt every now and then, and it also reminds me that I have people that care:)
Sunday, January 8, 2012
2012 and beyond!
Here it is 2012 and I am feeling better than I have in YEARS! I have gone from 285 to 205 pounds in less than a year...I have gone from a size 26 to a size 14! I can actually go in a gift shop at a camp ground and buy a coat that fits me! I am amazed at the changes in my.
I spent the weekend with my cousin and her friends, it was quite an experience for me. I felt confident in myself, I was able to hold back my opinions and let others have their thoughts...I was able to relax and have a GREAT time. I was able to keep up them and not feel like I was a burden and most of all...in the pictures I don't stand out as the fat girl! I feel so good. I really had such a good time laughing, letting go of my inhibitions and making new friends.
In the beginning of my journey I would blog that I wish I could just eat and not think about it so much...that it would be normal, not so mechanical. I guess now I realize that with my life change it is not ever going to be like that for me, I will always have to talk about it, make a big deal about it and make it a part of my life to plan and talk about weight and food...if I don't it is too easy to forget that I need to be careful. I know people are sick of hearing about my battle of the bulge, but...it is going to be the center of my life for the next year or so at least! I am doing good at this point, but I could be doing better!
Oh yeah, I had my first check up with Dr. Dilla my GP last week. She reduced my blood pressure medicine to half dose and possibly all the way off in a month. Also she is going to take me off the cholesterol medicine too...so excited! This is what healthy is all about!!!
My goal for the next month is to get back on track and start looking at organic foods. I would like to get a little more organic in my diet just because I feel like I should get healthier. I need to get back to the right portion sizes and back to good foods and NO MORE SNACKS!!!!!! Alcohol will be once or twice a week...no more daily. I am so lucky I have not gained any weight back and have been able to maintain my loss. However, I am finding myself reverting to some of my old habits. I also need to reach out and let everyone know that I still need their help with this...if you see me reach for a fry or a chip...just say, "is that what you really want?" Three meals a day, three snacks a day, drink my water and stay away from alcohol...sounds easy! WE'll SEE!
Love you all...keep hanging in there with me! I still need you and this is still REALLY hard for me!
I spent the weekend with my cousin and her friends, it was quite an experience for me. I felt confident in myself, I was able to hold back my opinions and let others have their thoughts...I was able to relax and have a GREAT time. I was able to keep up them and not feel like I was a burden and most of all...in the pictures I don't stand out as the fat girl! I feel so good. I really had such a good time laughing, letting go of my inhibitions and making new friends.
In the beginning of my journey I would blog that I wish I could just eat and not think about it so much...that it would be normal, not so mechanical. I guess now I realize that with my life change it is not ever going to be like that for me, I will always have to talk about it, make a big deal about it and make it a part of my life to plan and talk about weight and food...if I don't it is too easy to forget that I need to be careful. I know people are sick of hearing about my battle of the bulge, but...it is going to be the center of my life for the next year or so at least! I am doing good at this point, but I could be doing better!
Oh yeah, I had my first check up with Dr. Dilla my GP last week. She reduced my blood pressure medicine to half dose and possibly all the way off in a month. Also she is going to take me off the cholesterol medicine too...so excited! This is what healthy is all about!!!
My goal for the next month is to get back on track and start looking at organic foods. I would like to get a little more organic in my diet just because I feel like I should get healthier. I need to get back to the right portion sizes and back to good foods and NO MORE SNACKS!!!!!! Alcohol will be once or twice a week...no more daily. I am so lucky I have not gained any weight back and have been able to maintain my loss. However, I am finding myself reverting to some of my old habits. I also need to reach out and let everyone know that I still need their help with this...if you see me reach for a fry or a chip...just say, "is that what you really want?" Three meals a day, three snacks a day, drink my water and stay away from alcohol...sounds easy! WE'll SEE!
Love you all...keep hanging in there with me! I still need you and this is still REALLY hard for me!
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