I think that through our lives we change in so many ways. Our experiences, the people around us, and our environment create some of these changes. When I was a kid I was so afraid to say anything that would cause a fight or get in trouble. I just said very little and things would stay inside until I would blow up. When I met Fred it took me years to be able to speak my piece. I would cry and cry and never talk. Finally with Fred's help I was able to find my voice and speak up when I was hurt, or when I needed a hug, or just to express my own opinion. Over the last 30 years I have become very proud of myself and I surprise myself when I speak up for myself. I have also found that through writing I can use my inner voice, the one that is truthful and honest, not afraid to say what I want. I know it is not the best approach, but it what I have.
Now after all these years of changing, growing, maturing, and finding and being myself I am told that I need a new approach...REALLY? I finally get the nerve up to ask for help and I am slammed to ground, face first by someone I thought I could trust. I am not going to change. Has she asked little man to change, his sitting in meetings and shaking his head yes, and not helping, and just being a plain jerk. Or the person that does nothing to help the team and can't form an appropriate e-mail to save his soul. Or the person that freaks out over every little thing that happens. Or the one that wants to be boss and have everything her way and then gets upset that it didn't go that way? Did she talk to them and tell them they need to change their approach, or there attitude, or their way of thinking? I can't be sure, but I think that is a NO! Even the most well meaning, sweet approach can suck when it stabs your heart like a knife through your soul! That is what you did to me!
I love that I can speak up when I need to, I love that I have a voice, maybe I don't always use the best approach, but seriously, get over it! I use writing as my voice. My real voice is meek and shy, it is not who I am, it lets me down, and won't say what I want to say. Writing is my true voice...e-mail is the way I can communicate. I am sorry if you don't like it, but it is who I am...so get over yourself and adapt to the needs of others...like I have adapted to your needs!
I called in sick today, I have the worst headache and it won't go away. I have had it since I walked out of the office on Wednesday afternoon.
I am still at 215, stress eating and drinking over the last month has not allowed a change, but I am still happy with the scale because I am not gaining weight back!
Sara's wedding is in 8 days...eeeek! So excited! It is going to be amazing. Need to find shoes still...
Happy Anniversary Fred! I love you with all my heart and soul!
