The Scale...Friend or Foe

Since February 15th I have stepped on the scale almost everyday (don't be mad Sara)! At first it was fun, watching the pounds melt away, then it stopped coming off as fast. I remember stepping on the scale and I was 265 pounds, then the next day 267, then 266, then 267, and it would go on like that for two weeks or more. It was so frustrating and I couldn't understand how I could possibly gain weight on the amount I was eating. Then one day I stepped on the scale and it was down to 265! Finally lost weight. Then it did the same thing for about two weeks up and down, then boom weight lost. I have learned so much about my body and the process it goes through to lose weight. I know that my weight will fluctuate for about two weeks then I will drop between 2 and 4 pounds in one day and then it starts fluctuating from that weight. Now that I realize I am not going to gain weight back for good, I am pleased and not so scared of the scale. If someday I step on the scale and my weight keeps inching up and up and never goes back down, I will panic...until then I will love the scale:)

Weird!

I am down to 215 now! I am so proud of myself. The best part is that I am not starving, I am used to the diet and now I eat without thinking. I am still having a difficult time with my eyes being bigger than my tummy, but one step at a time! I have lost a total of 70 pound in 7 months. My knees don't hurt, I can walk up and down stairs without pain and I come home and have energy to get stuff done. I love the new me. So what is weird...welllllll...

I really am not used to being complimented for any reason. In the last few weeks it is odd how many compliments I have gotten on my BUTT! Yes, my butt...how weird! I have had teachers tell me, family tell me and friends tell me...but the one that impressed me the most was when Fred told me! I was out to dinner the other night and one of my friends was behind me and she all of a sudden starts telling me how great my butt looks and then makes her husband look at my butt and he turned 10 shades of red. One teacher walked up to me (female) and says I don't know if this is appropriate, but your butt looks really nice. I said probably not appropriate, but THANKS! Put your ear muffs on kids...and Fred can't keep his hands off my butt! I guess I believe them since it is so many random people saying it to me...amazing how much a compliment can change the outlook of your life! I am excited to hear more:) My goal is to compliment as many people as I can in the next few weeks! I want everyone to feel as good as I do. I will only compliment someone honestly though, I don't want to make stuff up to make someone feel good, I want it to be REAL! So if I compliment you over the next few week, you can be assured it is a REAL compliment!

Lost

Well, I mended fences with the person from my last post. She is the sweetest person I know. I think that is why I take advantage of her. I find the weakest puppy in the litter and then kick it around. Then I had more issues with another teacher today and went to talk to him after school. I admitted my weaknesses and that what I needed to work on, and he didn't seem to think he has any issues...even though very few people like or respect him! And yet, I sit with him feeling like it is really all my fault and walk away with that feeling of hating myself! I know it is not all me, but when confronted I can't come up with anything the other person does that is wrong...so it must be me...right? Happens all the time with Fred too. I am always the one that feels bad and I am the one who feels like an idiot or I did something wrong when we argue...and in the end it is usually my fault...

I have gone forward two steps and fell back about a thousand this week. I just really feel that I am a bitch and that I over react too often and I can't change and I am soooooo frustrated. I want to eat a bag of chips and dip right now (but I won't, I am blogging!!!!)! I am thinner, but I am the same crappy person I have always been. I really just want to be happy and not feel like when someone is mad it is my fault. I thought I had it, but I don't...I still take all the blame, I am the one that sucks it up, I am the one that feels like an idiot all the time!

Going back to my goal...love myself for who I am, I cannot change others, only myself!