Where do I begin...well got up early to make sure I was to work by 6:30 am to pick up ISAT materials for today. Did my makeup and hair and really decided I love my new hair cut! Weighed myself and was disappointed in a two pound weight gain...I know...I know...there are many factors in losing weight. I decided that I may not be eating enough and made it my goal for the day to eat all my meals.
Got dressed and thought I was looking nice, but you would think I would have gone down at least a size by now...no...still in the big size I have been in for years...oh well, it will happen!
Went downstairs to pack lunch. Yoda was sooooo happy to see me. I think he thought I was staying home again today. There was really nothing in the fridge or cabinet to bring, so I brought a few yogarts, some pudding, a can of cream with broccoli soup, and some water. I had a ton of stuff to bring back to school and Fred left early to work out. I had to put my crate in the car and it weighed a little more than I should be picking up. I lifted and felt pain in my incision. Yoda was really sad to go in his crate...I felt like a bad mommy.
When I got to work, I had to take the crate out of the car (thank goodness it is on wheels). Then, I noticed blood on my shirt, I had opened the incision again! It was bleeding and oozing again! Gross I know, but I am not holding back! So when our nurse came in I went and got a band aide. It still hurts, but I think I will live! LOL
I had no plan period today and the day started with a team meeting...nothing unusual there. Then ISAT testing, then classes. I am so far behind at work and I really could have used a plan period today. However, believe it or not everything fell into place and I was able to accomplish everything. It was great to have my thoughts back today...it has been awhile since I have thought this clearly all day. I actually left work on time and finished everything I needed to finish. YEAH! That doesn't happen often!
All in all I had a GREAT day! I love my job:) Thanks to all of you who stopped by my class today to say hi and welcome me back...that was nice!
I will call the doctor tomorrow if the incision is still oozing, that will be a week and he said it should be fine in a week!
Myself
Monday, February 28, 2011
Sunday, February 27, 2011
What a weekend! Spent all day Thursday, Friday, and Saturday grading projects. Most of the day today putting grades in, posting grades and finishing report cards! I am ALMOST done...just need to see if any students turned in anything during my absence.
Last night was my first party since surgery...interesting. I was good and just drank my water. I had a bit of the stew broth for dinner. The interesting part was what people do when they are drunk! I definitely like being drunk with other drunks better than being sober with other drunks! However, it is still 4 and a half more months until I can have a drink! I have gone this far, I am not falling off now:)
Had my hair done today. The person who does it is so fun! She has such great ideas for hair. She layered my hair and blew dried it then used a curling iron...sooooo cute! However, I will never be able to this again myself. That is the sad part about going and getting your hair done, it will never look like this again! My hair is really starting to fall out now, which is a side effect of the diet. Another side affect is bad breath...it will go away in time, but I will be spraying a lot of scope for the next few months and eating tic tacs!
Well, it is back to work tomorrow...pretty scary stuff...I miss my students, but I don't miss a lot of the bull. We have ISAT this week so it will be an easy week. I have not weighed myself in a few days. Maybe tomorrow...it is hard to not look everyday, but it is also not good to become obsesses. I feel better, my knees don't hurt as much, when I went to the doctor last week my blood pressure was lower than it has been in years. I guess these are the things I should focus on right now. I will be putting on work clothes tomorrow that i haven't worn in weeks...we'll see how that goes.
Have a GREAT week!
Last night was my first party since surgery...interesting. I was good and just drank my water. I had a bit of the stew broth for dinner. The interesting part was what people do when they are drunk! I definitely like being drunk with other drunks better than being sober with other drunks! However, it is still 4 and a half more months until I can have a drink! I have gone this far, I am not falling off now:)
Had my hair done today. The person who does it is so fun! She has such great ideas for hair. She layered my hair and blew dried it then used a curling iron...sooooo cute! However, I will never be able to this again myself. That is the sad part about going and getting your hair done, it will never look like this again! My hair is really starting to fall out now, which is a side effect of the diet. Another side affect is bad breath...it will go away in time, but I will be spraying a lot of scope for the next few months and eating tic tacs!
Well, it is back to work tomorrow...pretty scary stuff...I miss my students, but I don't miss a lot of the bull. We have ISAT this week so it will be an easy week. I have not weighed myself in a few days. Maybe tomorrow...it is hard to not look everyday, but it is also not good to become obsesses. I feel better, my knees don't hurt as much, when I went to the doctor last week my blood pressure was lower than it has been in years. I guess these are the things I should focus on right now. I will be putting on work clothes tomorrow that i haven't worn in weeks...we'll see how that goes.
Have a GREAT week!
Friday, February 25, 2011
Lack of Motivation
Motivation is a funny thing...you either have it or you don't. Some people are highly motivated and others are not motivated at all. Some things you may be more motivated for than others. For instance, I am highly motivated to lose weight at this time. Seven months ago I was not motivated at all...why? I am always motivated to plan parties and attend them. However, I am never motivated to grade papers. How do you change that motivation? Can you? I need to get this work done, report cards are due on Monday and I graded all day yesterday, and will grade all day today...but here I am procrastinating by writing this stupid blog message that has no apparent purpose except to keep me from having to grade the papers. Well, enough is enough...I will get started! It is my own fault I have all this grading! I have put it off for weeks...My goal is to get everything graded and in the computer before Fred gets home...then get grades in tomorrow. Have all day Sunday to relax!
My quote for the weekend:)
My quote for the weekend:)
| People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily.” | |
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Am I boring you yet?
Well here it is a week and two days since surgery! Went to the doctor yesterday, they were amazed at my weight loss in the last two weeks. I was pretty impressed myself! 19 pounds!!! WoooHooo! I plan to keep on going! One of my incisions is not doing well at this time, it is spitting apart and oozing...not pretty! It also hurts some too. The doctor gave me until Monday to be off work to make sure the incisions has time to heal better. Good thing because I needed the time to get all my papers graded!
Our trimester ends on March 4th with report cards coming out on March 11th...why then are are grades due in by February 28th? It is ridiculous! Our trimesters keep getting shorter and shorter! I really think that two days should be more then enough time to print report cards and send them out!
So we went out yesterday to pick out a brides dress with Sara! How fun was that??? It was AWESOME fun! We had already made the appointment before the doctor told me to take it easy...so we went anyway. All of the gowns looked gorgeous on Sara, but the one she picked is perfect for her...beautiful, yet simple, and elegant. I also picked me up a black and white dress! I know, I don't know what I will weigh in October, but I loved this dress and they only had a few and not able to get more! I took a larger one and it can be downsized two sizes if needed. If it doesn't fit I can return it for store credit and get a different one...this one is perfect though and I am planning on looking really nice in it for my daughters wedding!
Well, are you bored with me yet? I can understand...I am getting to the point that I am sick of hearing about me...How are all of you? Give me some stories on how you are doing...has my story impacted you in any way, made you change something in your life, or just tell me something about you that I don't know...I just want to talk about someone else for awhile:)
Our trimester ends on March 4th with report cards coming out on March 11th...why then are are grades due in by February 28th? It is ridiculous! Our trimesters keep getting shorter and shorter! I really think that two days should be more then enough time to print report cards and send them out!
So we went out yesterday to pick out a brides dress with Sara! How fun was that??? It was AWESOME fun! We had already made the appointment before the doctor told me to take it easy...so we went anyway. All of the gowns looked gorgeous on Sara, but the one she picked is perfect for her...beautiful, yet simple, and elegant. I also picked me up a black and white dress! I know, I don't know what I will weigh in October, but I loved this dress and they only had a few and not able to get more! I took a larger one and it can be downsized two sizes if needed. If it doesn't fit I can return it for store credit and get a different one...this one is perfect though and I am planning on looking really nice in it for my daughters wedding!
Well, are you bored with me yet? I can understand...I am getting to the point that I am sick of hearing about me...How are all of you? Give me some stories on how you are doing...has my story impacted you in any way, made you change something in your life, or just tell me something about you that I don't know...I just want to talk about someone else for awhile:)
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Ouch
So here it is Tuesday! One week since I had my surgery. Well, lets just say that I did way too much over the weekend! I was in soooo much pain on Sunday night I thought I was going to have to go to the ER. However, I made it through the night. A lot of tossing and turning though. I was really sore yesterday and my stomach has bruises all over it. The largest of the incisions is bleeding a little. I know it is my own fault...but it was worth all the fun I had over the weekend. I am still really sore and tired today, but I was able to eat a full breakfast of a carnation instant breakfast and a yogurt. I have my doctors appointment tomorrow, but I am not going to push going back to work if they say no. I have learned my limits! I am going dress shopping with Sara and my mom tomorrow. I am planning on sitting back and taking it easy the entire time, I can't wait to see my gorgeous daughter in wedding gowns! I have been waiting for this day since the day she was born. Yes, I am going to be selfish and think about me for awhile...whether anyone cares or not!
So lets talk about the good news! I am down to 258! I know that is still heavy, but I have lost 6 pounds since surgery and I am not feeling hungry! Yesterday was the first day that I really wanted to eat something bad for me! However, at this point I am still on a full liquid diet and after the weekend...I will not chance that pain again! Although I did not really cheat on my diet, at the roller derby they had nothing I could eat except ice cream. I had some ice cream with a packet of protein added to it...it tasted really good, but did not agree with me! or I ate too much, too fast, not sure...but two days of pain! Never will happen again.
I was watching an old video last night of our family in Honduras...it was eye opening! I was really heavy in that video, but I only weighed 190 at that time! I can't believe I let myself get this out of control with my weight. All I can say to those of you who are suffering like I was with the inability to lose weight, this may be for you! It has made a world of difference in my life in the short amount of time I have had it done.
I get my first "fill" tomorrow! At this point my stomach is only restricted by the band itself and the swelling. Tomorrow they add saline to the band to tighten the area between my little stomach (my nickname for my little stomach is Bitty) and the rest of the stomach. It will make the food stay in Bitty a longer and thus feel full longer! I am hoping to lose about 2 pounds a week. When I start working out in 5 weeks I am hoping for more like 3-5 pounds a week. There will be peeks and plateaus, but at least I can't get depressed and eat everything in sight for days at a time! I will get depressed and when I do, I know that I can count on my friends and family to slap me back into reality!
What have I accomplished over the last week...I have been taking my vitamins everyday! I have stayed on my diet and started eating breakfast everyday! I had a few days of depression last week, and cried a lot on Thursday and Friday. Then I realized I was being stupid and picked myself up and pulled myself together! Thank you to all my friends and family for pointing out I had a right to be angry, but I was also being childish! Hit your problems head on and deal with them. Once I did that it was done and I felt better. I am on my way to a healthier new me...mentally and physically:)
So lets talk about the good news! I am down to 258! I know that is still heavy, but I have lost 6 pounds since surgery and I am not feeling hungry! Yesterday was the first day that I really wanted to eat something bad for me! However, at this point I am still on a full liquid diet and after the weekend...I will not chance that pain again! Although I did not really cheat on my diet, at the roller derby they had nothing I could eat except ice cream. I had some ice cream with a packet of protein added to it...it tasted really good, but did not agree with me! or I ate too much, too fast, not sure...but two days of pain! Never will happen again.
I was watching an old video last night of our family in Honduras...it was eye opening! I was really heavy in that video, but I only weighed 190 at that time! I can't believe I let myself get this out of control with my weight. All I can say to those of you who are suffering like I was with the inability to lose weight, this may be for you! It has made a world of difference in my life in the short amount of time I have had it done.
I get my first "fill" tomorrow! At this point my stomach is only restricted by the band itself and the swelling. Tomorrow they add saline to the band to tighten the area between my little stomach (my nickname for my little stomach is Bitty) and the rest of the stomach. It will make the food stay in Bitty a longer and thus feel full longer! I am hoping to lose about 2 pounds a week. When I start working out in 5 weeks I am hoping for more like 3-5 pounds a week. There will be peeks and plateaus, but at least I can't get depressed and eat everything in sight for days at a time! I will get depressed and when I do, I know that I can count on my friends and family to slap me back into reality!
What have I accomplished over the last week...I have been taking my vitamins everyday! I have stayed on my diet and started eating breakfast everyday! I had a few days of depression last week, and cried a lot on Thursday and Friday. Then I realized I was being stupid and picked myself up and pulled myself together! Thank you to all my friends and family for pointing out I had a right to be angry, but I was also being childish! Hit your problems head on and deal with them. Once I did that it was done and I felt better. I am on my way to a healthier new me...mentally and physically:)
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Out and About
Had my first outing today! It was so much fun...we went to the RV show at Rosemont and looked at a lot of campers. We found some that we really liked. Walked around a lot and talked. It was really nice. My fear was finding food I could eat. We found a little cafeteria off the showroom floor that had some awesome cream of broccoli soup, which is on my diet and milk.
We finished the RV show and then went to Best Buy in Vernon Hills, walked around there, bought a new cover for my Nook Color.
Hunger set in again and we went to Corner Bakery in Vernon Hills and I had Chicken soup.
It was nice being out, laughing and having fun. I am a little sore now, but I am sure it will go away fast.
I am looking forward to my birthday tomorrow. Sara and Bryan are going to take me to the Brewcity Roller Derby tomorrow. I am really excited! I love the roller derby!
Now it is time to relax and wait for the grandkids to come over to spend the night...I am so glad I feel normal again!
We finished the RV show and then went to Best Buy in Vernon Hills, walked around there, bought a new cover for my Nook Color.
Hunger set in again and we went to Corner Bakery in Vernon Hills and I had Chicken soup.
It was nice being out, laughing and having fun. I am a little sore now, but I am sure it will go away fast.
I am looking forward to my birthday tomorrow. Sara and Bryan are going to take me to the Brewcity Roller Derby tomorrow. I am really excited! I love the roller derby!
Now it is time to relax and wait for the grandkids to come over to spend the night...I am so glad I feel normal again!
Friday, February 18, 2011
Head held High
Sorry for my little rant yesterday. This is much more difficult then I thought it would me. I need to find something to do, other then watching TV all day! Fred has been very supportive through this whole journey. He is just busy with his own life and I want it to be all about me, and I know it can't be all about me...life goes on!
And as life goes on...so now all the things are happening that I knew would happen. Just not sure I am ready. I need to get out of the house and join the world. How do I do that? I am still in pain, although I think it is more of a crutch then actual pain, I am not going to take the pain meds today! I am using them and the pain as a crutch to stay on the couch and pout. Anyway, it is not really pain, it is hard to explain, it is like a really full empty feeling.Will I feel like this the rest of my life? Really full, yet still hungry...wanting something, but not sure what it is...
It is time to get back to the living...so now I want to get out of the house. Great! Now where do I go? I don't want to just go and sit somewhere and visit someone. I want to do something, I just don't want to be around food...I can't exercise yet...Maybe a movie...although the popcorn will be hard to resist. Do you realize that everything we do has something to do with food? I was hoping that I would have lost enough weight by now to have to go shopping for some new clothes (which would be fun), but no such luck...think I will take one more day of resting and then make Fred take me out tonight or tomorrow!
Thanks for being there my friends:) You are all so wonderful to stick this out with me!
And as life goes on...so now all the things are happening that I knew would happen. Just not sure I am ready. I need to get out of the house and join the world. How do I do that? I am still in pain, although I think it is more of a crutch then actual pain, I am not going to take the pain meds today! I am using them and the pain as a crutch to stay on the couch and pout. Anyway, it is not really pain, it is hard to explain, it is like a really full empty feeling.Will I feel like this the rest of my life? Really full, yet still hungry...wanting something, but not sure what it is...
It is time to get back to the living...so now I want to get out of the house. Great! Now where do I go? I don't want to just go and sit somewhere and visit someone. I want to do something, I just don't want to be around food...I can't exercise yet...Maybe a movie...although the popcorn will be hard to resist. Do you realize that everything we do has something to do with food? I was hoping that I would have lost enough weight by now to have to go shopping for some new clothes (which would be fun), but no such luck...think I will take one more day of resting and then make Fred take me out tonight or tomorrow!
Thanks for being there my friends:) You are all so wonderful to stick this out with me!
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Day three Post Op
Day three...well it has all hit me today. I am sore, tired, and weak. Although I am still in a good mood. I am unable to wear clothes yet because they hurt around my waste, so pajamas it is. The real question is, did I loose weight? I do not know and I am not going to step on the scale until Saturday! Today will be a long day! Fred is at work and he teaches his other class at CLC tonight.
I don't know why I always have to play the strong person...when all I want is someone to take care of me. Today was the first day of any tears. I know it will not do any good to feel sorry for myself, but it is what I need to do right now.
This may sound selfish, but I really want it to be all about me right now...and all Fred is interested is in his students and his class! I just want to be held...and told that everything will be alright. That I did the right thing and I am not a vain idiot...
I don't know why I always have to play the strong person...when all I want is someone to take care of me. Today was the first day of any tears. I know it will not do any good to feel sorry for myself, but it is what I need to do right now.
This may sound selfish, but I really want it to be all about me right now...and all Fred is interested is in his students and his class! I just want to be held...and told that everything will be alright. That I did the right thing and I am not a vain idiot...
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
The Next Part of the Journey Begins
Sorry to my friends, I meant to write last night, but I was just too tired.
So here was my day...Was up at 5:15 and out of the house by 7am. Arrived at the Centegra hospital in Woodstock and was checked in, then off to my little room for the day. Poor Fred hardly had any room for his legs. Surgery was scheduled at 9:00 am. However, the doctor was running early and I was taken at 8:45 am. I was shaking at this time and praying that this was the right choice...that is the funny thing about choices, you never know if they're correct until after you carry the choice out.
Next thing I know I am waking up in the recovery room...it is only 9:26 am! It went really fast. I was in some pain, so they gave me a couple of pain shots. I think it was more the fear of pain then the actual pain. I was sent back to my room by 10 am. I will have to say this hospital is amazing! They are very caring, have plenty of staff, and do everything they can to make you comfortable.
I started my new life with ice chips and was up walking within an hour after surgery. I had an Upper GI at 1:30 to make sure all was working well. After they determining that everything was working correctly I wasn't really hungry so I had a grape slushy and a cup of decaf tea. I was ready to go at 2pm, but the doctor said I couldn't leave until 4pm. the next two hours were really, really long and boring! I was walking around the entire time in the hospital and doing my deep breathing exercises. I never lost my sense of humor...believe it or not.
When I got home my stomach was not hungry so I sipped on some water. Around 6pm my stomach started growling. I got up and got one of my 4 oz sugar free, fat free yogart and a cup of broth. I was able to eat 1/2 of the yogart and about 4 sips of the broth. I felt like I do after pigging out at Thanksgiving. I was a bit uncomfortable. I was afraid I would not know when to stop and if I eat to much it is going to come back up...I really couldn't handle that at this point. The idea is to eat really slow and listen to your body. At one point I thought I had over done it and it was coming back up, but it stayed down.
I slept like a baby! I took my first dose of pain meds at home, just before I got in bed, put on my CPAP and slept.
This morning I am enjoying my cup of decaf coffee, watching TV and reading y book. I cannot put on any pants as it hurts in that area so I am staying in a bathrobe all day.
All in all I think everything went GREAT! Dr. Heydari is the best doctor (and he is REALLY cute too)! He has been doing these surgeries since 2001, and studied with the doctor who invented and began this type of surgery. If you know someone who is thinking of taking this big step...tell them to go through him!!!
About the choice, I am still hoping this was the right choice! I guess it is up to e now, I need to make the right choices when I eat, stay away from slider foods, and exercise when I am allowed.
So here was my day...Was up at 5:15 and out of the house by 7am. Arrived at the Centegra hospital in Woodstock and was checked in, then off to my little room for the day. Poor Fred hardly had any room for his legs. Surgery was scheduled at 9:00 am. However, the doctor was running early and I was taken at 8:45 am. I was shaking at this time and praying that this was the right choice...that is the funny thing about choices, you never know if they're correct until after you carry the choice out.
Next thing I know I am waking up in the recovery room...it is only 9:26 am! It went really fast. I was in some pain, so they gave me a couple of pain shots. I think it was more the fear of pain then the actual pain. I was sent back to my room by 10 am. I will have to say this hospital is amazing! They are very caring, have plenty of staff, and do everything they can to make you comfortable.
I started my new life with ice chips and was up walking within an hour after surgery. I had an Upper GI at 1:30 to make sure all was working well. After they determining that everything was working correctly I wasn't really hungry so I had a grape slushy and a cup of decaf tea. I was ready to go at 2pm, but the doctor said I couldn't leave until 4pm. the next two hours were really, really long and boring! I was walking around the entire time in the hospital and doing my deep breathing exercises. I never lost my sense of humor...believe it or not.
When I got home my stomach was not hungry so I sipped on some water. Around 6pm my stomach started growling. I got up and got one of my 4 oz sugar free, fat free yogart and a cup of broth. I was able to eat 1/2 of the yogart and about 4 sips of the broth. I felt like I do after pigging out at Thanksgiving. I was a bit uncomfortable. I was afraid I would not know when to stop and if I eat to much it is going to come back up...I really couldn't handle that at this point. The idea is to eat really slow and listen to your body. At one point I thought I had over done it and it was coming back up, but it stayed down.
I slept like a baby! I took my first dose of pain meds at home, just before I got in bed, put on my CPAP and slept.
This morning I am enjoying my cup of decaf coffee, watching TV and reading y book. I cannot put on any pants as it hurts in that area so I am staying in a bathrobe all day.
All in all I think everything went GREAT! Dr. Heydari is the best doctor (and he is REALLY cute too)! He has been doing these surgeries since 2001, and studied with the doctor who invented and began this type of surgery. If you know someone who is thinking of taking this big step...tell them to go through him!!!
About the choice, I am still hoping this was the right choice! I guess it is up to e now, I need to make the right choices when I eat, stay away from slider foods, and exercise when I am allowed.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Ready, Set, Go!
Happy Valentine's Day to all my friends. This is one Valentine's Day I will never forget:) No candy, no wine, no drinks in the hot tub, and no dinner out, and yet it was the best Valentine's Day ever! It was a reminder to me that I do not need any of those things to feel loved. I feel loved by the words, actions, and thoughts of those that love me. Not just one day a year, but everyday!
Well here it is just a little over 12 hours until surgery. How do I feel? It is hard to say, one part of me wants to turn and run. However, the smarter side of me is really excited and can't wait. I can't believe it is finally here. So many mixed feelings. Anger at myself for letting it get this bad, sadness because I will miss eating, happiness because I can't wait to be healthy again, thoughtful because I need to think about my new life and what it will look like. Fear of the unknown. Love for all my supporters for helping me make it this far. Terror at something going wrong. It isn't like I am having my tonsils out, I am changing my body and my life. Scary!
So tomorrow I will begin my post surgery posts...
PS Got my CPAP machine today, maybe I will have a good nights rest tonight:)
Well here it is just a little over 12 hours until surgery. How do I feel? It is hard to say, one part of me wants to turn and run. However, the smarter side of me is really excited and can't wait. I can't believe it is finally here. So many mixed feelings. Anger at myself for letting it get this bad, sadness because I will miss eating, happiness because I can't wait to be healthy again, thoughtful because I need to think about my new life and what it will look like. Fear of the unknown. Love for all my supporters for helping me make it this far. Terror at something going wrong. It isn't like I am having my tonsils out, I am changing my body and my life. Scary!
So tomorrow I will begin my post surgery posts...
PS Got my CPAP machine today, maybe I will have a good nights rest tonight:)
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Two Days!
So it is two days until surgery! I hope that it is true after surgery you will not feel hungry! Tomorrow is going to be a tough day! I have to cut out the protein and do a liquid diet. I apologize to all my Palombi friends now, I will be a true crab tomorrow!
So Tuesday will be an interesting day, at the hospital at 7:00 am, surgery at 9:00 am in recovery by 9:30 am and then home around 3:00pm. It seems like 7 months of preparations is a lot for a half hour surgery!
I am really nervous now, but I am ready!
So at this point in time I cannot be a proud woman anymore...in August of 2010 I was at my heaviest weight ever! I was at 287 pounds. During my 3 month diet I only lost 10 pounds, then I stopped dieting for my Bahama's trip, came back and started dieting again. I was 274 pounds when I started my protein diet and now I am at 264 pounds. Just wanted to write this down, so I can remember in a few months. I can't wait to get my energy back and I know Fred can't wait either!!! He has been so supportive and the good thing is I know how much he loves me no matter what I weight:)
I am going to clean this pig stye and then relax the rest of the day...
So Tuesday will be an interesting day, at the hospital at 7:00 am, surgery at 9:00 am in recovery by 9:30 am and then home around 3:00pm. It seems like 7 months of preparations is a lot for a half hour surgery!
I am really nervous now, but I am ready!
So at this point in time I cannot be a proud woman anymore...in August of 2010 I was at my heaviest weight ever! I was at 287 pounds. During my 3 month diet I only lost 10 pounds, then I stopped dieting for my Bahama's trip, came back and started dieting again. I was 274 pounds when I started my protein diet and now I am at 264 pounds. Just wanted to write this down, so I can remember in a few months. I can't wait to get my energy back and I know Fred can't wait either!!! He has been so supportive and the good thing is I know how much he loves me no matter what I weight:)
I am going to clean this pig stye and then relax the rest of the day...
Saturday, February 12, 2011
A Few Days
So a few days have passed. I hope that someday I can lose weight. After following this liquid protein diet for a week now, and NOT cheating, I have only lost 8 pounds...which is really good, but I was hoping for a lot more! It just makes me feel like am I doing the right thing? Am I just destined to be heavy? I would hate to do this surgery and then not be able to lose weight. At times it seems like just walking by someone eating makes me gain weight. Now I think, am I becoming a fat anorexic? I don't even feel like eating today...but I am forcing myself to take my protein shakes.
I was so happy yesterday when the 7th grade reading teachers gave me a beautiful bouquet of flowers to wish me luck on my journey. I am such a lucky person to have such a great reading team...The are truly amazing people and teach me something new every day!!!!
I keep saying that this is not a diet, it is a life change, but when does the diet stop and the life change begin? I hope soon...I hate thinking about food 24/7.
A friend had commented that I should write a book to help me reduce stress...I think I might just do that...what you think? Any ideas for a story line?
I was so happy yesterday when the 7th grade reading teachers gave me a beautiful bouquet of flowers to wish me luck on my journey. I am such a lucky person to have such a great reading team...The are truly amazing people and teach me something new every day!!!!
I keep saying that this is not a diet, it is a life change, but when does the diet stop and the life change begin? I hope soon...I hate thinking about food 24/7.
A friend had commented that I should write a book to help me reduce stress...I think I might just do that...what you think? Any ideas for a story line?
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Who Am I
So I am sitting here thinking...Who is this person? I am not a leader, I am not a follower, I am quiet and keep to myself. I am the student who sits in the back of the room and says nothing, not really a trouble maker, but doesn't do any work. I have a difficult time making and keeping friends. I am not considered smart or creative. I keep my opinions to myself. I don't like to make waves, and I cry when I am mad, upset, or nervous.
Yet, here I am... a teacher, a team leader for two teams, I have my dinner buddies at work that I love to follow, I say what I want, when I want and I don't care what people think. I have made many lasting friendships in the last few years. I find myself sticking up for what I think is right and not backing down as I would have in the past. I find myself being able to talk to people about serious matters without crying. How did I change so much? When did I change? I like the new improved me! I can't wait to lose all this access baggage and see what other surprises I have for myself:)
Today went well! I was not as hungry...I tried jello because I was out of broth...couldn't do it! It is nasty...Getting less nervous and more excited about surgery day! I know I can do this:) Thanks for all your kind words, warm thoughts, the hugs, gifts, and just being here for me. I know it isn't a terminal illness, but in some ways it feels like it is to me and I am fighting for my life! Thanks to EVERY ONE!!!!
Yet, here I am... a teacher, a team leader for two teams, I have my dinner buddies at work that I love to follow, I say what I want, when I want and I don't care what people think. I have made many lasting friendships in the last few years. I find myself sticking up for what I think is right and not backing down as I would have in the past. I find myself being able to talk to people about serious matters without crying. How did I change so much? When did I change? I like the new improved me! I can't wait to lose all this access baggage and see what other surprises I have for myself:)
Today went well! I was not as hungry...I tried jello because I was out of broth...couldn't do it! It is nasty...Getting less nervous and more excited about surgery day! I know I can do this:) Thanks for all your kind words, warm thoughts, the hugs, gifts, and just being here for me. I know it isn't a terminal illness, but in some ways it feels like it is to me and I am fighting for my life! Thanks to EVERY ONE!!!!
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
REALLY?
Okay, so you don't agree with me...who cares? Lets agree to disagree...
I really am a takeover type personality and I am a see it my way or the byway. However, through the years I have learned to tone it down and try to find the win-win, but it always seems like the win-win always sways more to the other side. I just really feel like I am wrong all the time, and I usually am. However, there are certain times I will stick to my guns no matter what, especially if I know I am correct.
So where is this coming from? I had an e-mail argument with this teacher at work...last WEEK! They thought one way, I thought another, I explained my point of view and backed up everything with why I believed the way I believed, I listened to their point of view (which made no sense to me...lol). I decided that we will never agree on this issue and ended the last e-mail with - we will need to agree to disagree. Then TODAY they bring it up and want to discuss this at a team meeting...what is it their side against mine? I don't even know if anyone sees it my way or their way and I personally don't care at this point. I know what I am going to do, and everyone else can do it their way, and it doesn't matter. I am not the boss of the team, I am the team leader, I am there to create an agenda, keep the meetings on task, bring back important ideas, and keep the team working together. I give my ideas and you can accept them or not, but if I know that I am right I will not back down unless you give me good reason too. That is how it would be if I were team leader or not. I am not demanding that everyone agree with me, or do it my way. Sometimes, we need to agree to disagree and go on with life!
Anyway, why am I blogging this? When I read this e-mail that this person wanted this topic on the agenda, I wanted to drink a bottle of wine and eat a pizza. I actually was crying because I wanted food so bad, real greasy, fatty food. What did I do? I went and made my shake and chicken broth, and thought about how the little things don't matter (and this teacher is little...LOL). What matters is my health and my family and no one is worth losing that at this point.
I am actually not as hungry as the first few days, but the no caffeine today gave me a headache. I love Fred and he is so supportive...everyone should feel sorry for him, because as you know I can be a PAIN and he is always so calm and nice to me...he is one amazing man! Thank God for helping me find him:) I will need to continue to work on working out my stress in a different way then eating. Watch out Fred...there is more crying and temper tantrums coming...I can guarantee it:)
So what do you think is a way I can take out my stress in a more positive way? I don't want to eat, drink, cry or pout every time I am stressed a little.
I really am a takeover type personality and I am a see it my way or the byway. However, through the years I have learned to tone it down and try to find the win-win, but it always seems like the win-win always sways more to the other side. I just really feel like I am wrong all the time, and I usually am. However, there are certain times I will stick to my guns no matter what, especially if I know I am correct.
So where is this coming from? I had an e-mail argument with this teacher at work...last WEEK! They thought one way, I thought another, I explained my point of view and backed up everything with why I believed the way I believed, I listened to their point of view (which made no sense to me...lol). I decided that we will never agree on this issue and ended the last e-mail with - we will need to agree to disagree. Then TODAY they bring it up and want to discuss this at a team meeting...what is it their side against mine? I don't even know if anyone sees it my way or their way and I personally don't care at this point. I know what I am going to do, and everyone else can do it their way, and it doesn't matter. I am not the boss of the team, I am the team leader, I am there to create an agenda, keep the meetings on task, bring back important ideas, and keep the team working together. I give my ideas and you can accept them or not, but if I know that I am right I will not back down unless you give me good reason too. That is how it would be if I were team leader or not. I am not demanding that everyone agree with me, or do it my way. Sometimes, we need to agree to disagree and go on with life!
Anyway, why am I blogging this? When I read this e-mail that this person wanted this topic on the agenda, I wanted to drink a bottle of wine and eat a pizza. I actually was crying because I wanted food so bad, real greasy, fatty food. What did I do? I went and made my shake and chicken broth, and thought about how the little things don't matter (and this teacher is little...LOL). What matters is my health and my family and no one is worth losing that at this point.
I am actually not as hungry as the first few days, but the no caffeine today gave me a headache. I love Fred and he is so supportive...everyone should feel sorry for him, because as you know I can be a PAIN and he is always so calm and nice to me...he is one amazing man! Thank God for helping me find him:) I will need to continue to work on working out my stress in a different way then eating. Watch out Fred...there is more crying and temper tantrums coming...I can guarantee it:)
So what do you think is a way I can take out my stress in a more positive way? I don't want to eat, drink, cry or pout every time I am stressed a little.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Finally!
Okay, so Sunday diet went fine! I was less hungry, but people came over for Super Bowl and were eating all kinds of good food! Pizza chips and a bean/salsa dip Fred made. I ended up cheating and having two chips and a very tiny piece of pizza crust...it could have been a lot worse...I thought I had a lot of will power:)
So today I had my EKG, Blood tests, and an Upper GI. I also met with the anesthesiologist. I found out during this meeting I needed to see my regular doctor! I called to schedule and she saw me at 10:45 am!!! What an awesome doctor...if you need her name I can give it to you. She is in Spring Grove. I am finally home! The good news is I don't have anymore tests or requirements (except my diet) until surgery day...2/15/2011.
I think I am going to take a well deserved nap, clean the kitchen, and then go with my son and his wife to find out the sex of my next grandchild. I am very excited about that...I hope it is a girl...but will be happy no matter what!!!
I am so excited and so nervous...I have been taking my vitamins daily, getting in my protein shakes, and drinking my water. Still really hungry!
So today I had my EKG, Blood tests, and an Upper GI. I also met with the anesthesiologist. I found out during this meeting I needed to see my regular doctor! I called to schedule and she saw me at 10:45 am!!! What an awesome doctor...if you need her name I can give it to you. She is in Spring Grove. I am finally home! The good news is I don't have anymore tests or requirements (except my diet) until surgery day...2/15/2011.
I think I am going to take a well deserved nap, clean the kitchen, and then go with my son and his wife to find out the sex of my next grandchild. I am very excited about that...I hope it is a girl...but will be happy no matter what!!!
I am so excited and so nervous...I have been taking my vitamins daily, getting in my protein shakes, and drinking my water. Still really hungry!
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Hunger
So the first day has been really ROUGH! My stomach has been growling all day. However, I did it! Only protein shakes, fruit, and that is it! I am hoping that the hunger starts to go away soon...I have a 12 hour fast tomorrow for my blood tests and upper GI on Monday. I can say...1 day down, 9 more to go!
Thursday, February 3, 2011
OMG
I had an appointment today with the surgeon. It was a group appointment and I met with all the people that will be getting the surgery on the same day as me and the surgeon...it was enlightening...to say the least.
First of all, I realize that I am not the only person going through this and that we all have the same fears. We all are dreading the 10 day diet the most and the doctor agreed this will be the worst part of the surgery. I guess what we decided was that if we can do the diet we can do anything. The reason for the difficulty is that you are giving up the one thing in the world you could always count on to comfort you in need, make you smile when you were down and just make you feel good...I love food. Before surgery I will still feel the hunger and pain. After surgery I won't be able to eat, but I won't care, I won't feel hungry.
So what is this 10 day diet you ask? It consists of 4 nutrition drinks a day, clear soup, some fruits and veggies, sugar free jello and popsicles. No sugar or fat for the next 10 days...the reason you ask? To shrink the liver which covers the stomach. If the liver is smaller and weighs less it is easier to move to do the surgery and less risk of complications. The other reason is to give your body a new start. I will be going through a process that is similar to babies, just liquids, then full liquids, then soft food, then pureed food, then finally real food. You have to relearn to chew properly and the amount that you can actually consume. Who new it was so complicated?
The second thing I realized in the meeting is that I need this more then I realized. With 125 pounds to lose I cannot do this on my own and keep it off forever, it is too frustrating. However, I know I can do this with the surgery. It will still take me two years to reach my goal, but I know that I will reach my goal. I cannot fall off the wagon, because I will not be able to physically! I want to live for many more years and my only hope is to lose the weight and become healthy and with this surgery, I will in fact lose the weight and I will be forced to become healthy.
I am looking forward to this new and improved me!
So the vitamins are still not being taken...on the recommendation of the doctor I bought a pill box to put them in so I make sure I take them once a day with my other medications. I think this might work...now I need to get my water in daily. Did you know that dehydration can make you feel hungry and that by drinking a cup of water will usually make the hunger pangs go away...interesting...I probably am more dehydrated then hungry:) Who knew?
First of all, I realize that I am not the only person going through this and that we all have the same fears. We all are dreading the 10 day diet the most and the doctor agreed this will be the worst part of the surgery. I guess what we decided was that if we can do the diet we can do anything. The reason for the difficulty is that you are giving up the one thing in the world you could always count on to comfort you in need, make you smile when you were down and just make you feel good...I love food. Before surgery I will still feel the hunger and pain. After surgery I won't be able to eat, but I won't care, I won't feel hungry.
So what is this 10 day diet you ask? It consists of 4 nutrition drinks a day, clear soup, some fruits and veggies, sugar free jello and popsicles. No sugar or fat for the next 10 days...the reason you ask? To shrink the liver which covers the stomach. If the liver is smaller and weighs less it is easier to move to do the surgery and less risk of complications. The other reason is to give your body a new start. I will be going through a process that is similar to babies, just liquids, then full liquids, then soft food, then pureed food, then finally real food. You have to relearn to chew properly and the amount that you can actually consume. Who new it was so complicated?
The second thing I realized in the meeting is that I need this more then I realized. With 125 pounds to lose I cannot do this on my own and keep it off forever, it is too frustrating. However, I know I can do this with the surgery. It will still take me two years to reach my goal, but I know that I will reach my goal. I cannot fall off the wagon, because I will not be able to physically! I want to live for many more years and my only hope is to lose the weight and become healthy and with this surgery, I will in fact lose the weight and I will be forced to become healthy.
I am looking forward to this new and improved me!
So the vitamins are still not being taken...on the recommendation of the doctor I bought a pill box to put them in so I make sure I take them once a day with my other medications. I think this might work...now I need to get my water in daily. Did you know that dehydration can make you feel hungry and that by drinking a cup of water will usually make the hunger pangs go away...interesting...I probably am more dehydrated then hungry:) Who knew?
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