Restart

I need to restart! I need to set new goals, and get moving on them. I have need to lose this last 50 pounds! I need to get back to my healthy eating and exercising. The one healthy habit that I have gotten away from is not eating out. Sure it is easy and makes life more fun, but I cannot eat a healthy diet when I eat out! The one goal I am starting at this time is to only eat out 1 time a week. When I do eat out that one time a week, I will make sure to order health food! I will start this today and I will measure this goal in one month to make sure I have kept this promise to myself. I am sure that if I do this, I will be able to lose at least one more pound per week...so in one month I should be able to lose 10 pounds! Please send me some more ideas on how to get healthy, again! Anything from what I eat to ideas on exercising. I need your help! I need a pick me up!!!

Dragonflies

Some of you who know me well, will think that this is crazy, but it did happen! Dragonflies symbolize freedom, change, and good luck. When looking for an idea for my first tattoo I immediately wanted a dragonfly! My surgery was the change, the weight loss is my freedom, and I needed good luck for my new life. I am sharing this with you because this morning there were at least a thousand dragonflies in my side yard. Now anyone who knows me, knows that I am not the most religious person in the world. Yes, I have my doubts in heaven and God, but I have faith that their is something that cannot be seen or explained. I know that everything happens for a reason, and that reason may not be clear to us, but if we wait long enough, the truth will show itself. This morning I think that changed in a way I can never explain, but I will try! As I was drinking coffee in my yard this morning. I looked over the field and I saw about a thousand dragonflies over the field! When I saw the dragonflies I thought... I need to send them off to help those that need help. My thoughts told me that not all the freedom would be good, it may be a freedom from a life of pain, it may be a release from physical pain, or emotional pain. It could be a change in the way one thinks or acts. If I send them off those that I am thinking about will either have freedom, a change, or good luck! I thought of all my friends and family that needed freedom, change or luck and I sent them off, faces and prayers came flooding into my head and then I sent them off. When I sent them off and I had all the faces and thoughts flood my head, the village came with their lawn mowers and the dragonflies took off! It was an amazing sight! I am hoping that these dragonflies will bring freedom or change or good luck to you! I know mine has for me!

Regrets and Non-Regrets

Finally! I am now under 200 pounds! I have 45 pounds to my goal weight!!!! What an experience. I cannot believe how much weight effects your life, from going up stairs to sleeping at night. The biggest difference in my life is that I have learned to love myself again, which is by far the hardest thing I have done through this journey. I can honestly say that when I look in the mirror, I love the reflection that looks back at me. I smile at myself! No, I am not being vain, I am being honest. I can actually go into a store and buy clothes that I like. My daughter told me I had to go to the more "mature" section. What she doesn't understand is that I have been in the "mature" section since I was 23 years old. I want to buy the "cool" clothes I wasn't able to buy when I was that age! I know that the clothes I wear are to young for me, but it feels GOOD! I will stop and go back to mature in a little while, but right now I need to be the young lady I could not be back then. It has been a lot of years since I have felt this good about myself. I know that when I look in the mirror, my reflection is far from perfect. It goes deeper than that, it is that I glow with life, this is something I have not seen for years. I see what all my friends see, but I never could. In the last year, I have learned to accept a compliment. This is really difficult when your entire life you have gotten compliments, and you know they are half-hearted. Now, when I hear that compliment, I can smile and say thank-you...because I actually believe it myself! At first the weight went off fast and I was so thrilled, then it was a slower process and I was frustrated. Now I look at it as, it is only a pound, but it is a pound lost, not a pound gained. It may take me another year to lose the last 45 pounds, but at least it is 45 pounds and not 130 pounds! If I had not had this surgery, I would be well over three hundred pounds today. I will NEVER regret that I did this surgery. Yes, there are times I watch someone eat a big bite of a brat, or a huge bite of a juicy burger and I WISH that I could do that again. Then I look in the mirror and I remember what I did this for, my health! It really is not that difficult to...eat slow, chew extra long, and limit my amount! Yes, if I eat too fast, or I don't chew, I throw up...don't feel sorry for me! I know better and yet I haven't learned. It is the one aspect of this surgery that sucks, but it is the price I pay for many years of abuse to my body. If you are not heavy and you are reading this...I weighed 120 pounds when I had my first son at 19, lost the weight in about 6 months, then had my second at 23, never lost that weight and gained some. Then had my 3rd at 25 and never looked back. It was as if it was a useless cause, lose 20 pounds to gain 25 back. I want to preach to you...DON'T let your weight get this out of control before you do something about it. This surgery has saved my life and I will never regret having the surgery, what I regret is that I got so out of control and I had to have the surgery in the first place.