What a WEEK!

When you are a teacher no one understands the stress you endure everyday.  If you call a parent you don't know if they will be grateful or mad.  When you deal with other teachers, some can be anal and others are flexible.  It sucks at times.  I had one really bad episode last week.  Thank goodness the teacher and myself were able to work it out and we are fine now.  She knows I am mad and I still love her, and I know that she wasn't doing things on purpose and she does respect me.  It is all good now...In addition, I found out that most parents are very supportive of what you are doing, especially if you are trying to help their child.  It is all in the approach. Well enough of my business update and on to my personal update.

So lets see...I was really thinking about reaching out to my sister that I haven't talked to in a few years, and then she pulled another fast one on my mom and decided...nope I made the right decision all those years ago and there are no regrets!  Guess what, thanks to her my nightmares about her have stopped!  I am free again.  Thank goodness I did not jump the gun and do something I would regret the rest of my life. 

Now about my weight loss.  I had so much support last week when I was whining and crying about the non-weight loss.  I am truly blessed with so many supporters.  I am so proud of all my friends and they have joined me in the healthy eating and exercising...they are all starting to show me up on their weight loss journey, which is fine with me!  The more healthy people we have in the world, the world is a better place!  I am glad I can be the motivation for so many wonderful people!!!

Weigh in Saturday - the only day of the week that I weigh myself that counts.  I am down to 248.5!!!! Under 250 pounds!  What a great feeling, but the best of all this is how I feel.  I have so much more energy and I was running around at the volleyball game yesterday and loving every second of it.  I also put on a pair of pants I have not worn since 2003!  In fact I am 2 pounds away for the weight I was when I went to Spain in 2003.  I am so proud of myself.  I know I have my ups and downs and I truly appreciate all the facebook support I get when I am momentarily freaking out.  It really helps me put everything back into perspective.  Keep it up!

Today is my first day back a LA Fitness!  I am looking forward to a great work out!!!

Happy Winter Break - Oh wait...it is Spring Break!  LOL

Not Going to Lie!

It has really been difficult the last two months!  Nerves, stress, depression, happiness, love, hate, enthusiasm, I have felt all these feelings...sometimes I am happy one minute and then go straight to depression or I feel hate and go straight to love.  It has been a rocky mountain road...sometimes up and sometimes down!  Today it is only 12:48 pm and I have felt all of these feelings since I got out of bed at 8:00 a.m.  Talk about going up and down the mountains at a racing speed!  I have such a headache right now it is amazing I can even focus on this blog.

When I woke up and weighed myself, I was upset!  I have only lost 2.5 pounds since my last doctors appointment.  I was really hoping for more.  I know I have lost 22 pounds since I started my 10 day diet and 30 since my very first weigh in.  I was just wanting more.  It seems like all I do is think about food, reading labels, making sure I am getting enough protein, staying away from fat and sugar.  I am eating about a cup of food per meal and I only lost 2.5 pounds.  How terrible to starve yourself to be thin...I said I would never do this!

So I reach out to my facebook friends because I am depressed...and yes, they came through and reminded me that it is a JOURNEY, a life change, not just a month of starving and then back to the old me.  If this was the ould me, I would have ate a ton of food this morning and gained back the 2.5 pounds back.  I am not going back  to that girl!  Thanks friends!  You know who you are:)

Then I get to the doctors office and they were amazed at my weight loss so far.  The nutritionist says I am doing everything right.  The nurse was amazed at my blood pressure and the "glow" I had.  This made me feel better.  Then Dr. Heydari tells me that all the weight I have lost up until now is a plus.  The band was put in and bity was only restricted by the surgery for about two weeks.  The weight I have lost was all on my own and not because of the surgery (well I wouldn't have gone a 10 day liquid diet if I didn't have to!).  Now look at me, I am 30 pounds lighter, I am down two sizes in clothes, I have more energy, my blood pressure is lower than it has been in years!  I have put myself first and it has paid off!  Now the band will kick in and start its thing and I will do even better...

My first fill hurt like hell!  Seriously, it hurt!  I have been poked with many needles in my life, but that hurt.  I could hear and feel the saline enter the band...what a weird feeling.  Now, I am restricted to a liquid diet for 24 hours then eat as tolerated. I am hoping it feels like it did right after surgery when a 1/4 cup of pudding filled me up for hours...no more hunger.  3 meals a day and 2 snacks, and a protein drink daily and I will not be hungry all the time.  I am so excited for the next mountain I have to climb!  Oh, and I can start exercising too!  I hate exercising, but I need to get in the habit:)  Any hints on how to fit exercise into a lazy persons life?

The journey continues and I hope that one day I wake up and eat all my meals and snacks and not think about it as a diet, but as my life!

The Right Choice

My daughter and her fiance bought me a jar of Kind Notes to open when I was depressed because of my new life style.  I have been opening one each morning to get me through the day.  Today's made me cry..."Just look at where you are now...this was the right choice!"  That is what I was thinking all day yesterday!  This morning at my weekly weigh in I am down 35 pounds!  It may not sound like much, but it is huge to me! I went through 2 weeks of not losing anything and I was really depressed.  I stuck with the new life style and didn't fall back into bad habits.  I know that I am going to lose this weight and to know that the weight will never come back is the best feeling ever.  It has been a long haul and will be for a while longer, but I know my decision was the right one!  I feel like I am shrinking:)

My goal now is to start exercising and have the strength to get on a horse when we go to Yellowstone this year instead of riding in the stage coach...I am always embarrassed when Fred is telling the story.  Not this year, I am going on the horse!!!  I would also like to take that hike out to the lake that we wanted to take last year, but I couldn't.  I am excited for my new life.

I also have so many reasons to feel lucky this past 12 months.  Sara found a job that makes her happy and she loves going to work, and is planning her dream wedding.  Chris found a job and he is happy with his life and a baby coming, they are also thinking of looking for a new home.  Jason found his place in life this week too!  I am so excited for all of us!  We are celebrating tonight with a Luck of the Irish party and campfire.  If you are bored, stop by and have a beer with us:) 

Got to go clean:) 

4 weeks post op

So four weeks ago I had my surgery!  I went from full liquids to blended food (which I kind of skipped), and now I am on a soft diet!  I have lost 33 pounds.  I went through a week or two on a plateau, I think my body was going through a melt down with having actual food.  In the last 3 days I have lost 2 pounds.  It was really getting depressing!  I would lose one and gain 2.  It was to the point I thought I would NEVER lose weight.  I think my body is back on track now and I will continue to lose. I was quite depressed!

One thing that I have noticed the most is my face is looking thinner and my neck.  I have gone down 2 clothes sizes and I have so much more energy.  The one thing that is most amazing to me is that I am getting my organization back at work and I am thinking more clearly.  It is amazing what losing weight can do for you!!!

I went to a support meeting of others who have had the surgery and it was soooooo motivating.  There was one girl there that went from a size 22 to a size 8 since last May.  A woman who lost 275 pounds in two years and a man that lost 310 in 2 and a half years.  They shared their storied, their ups and downs.  It made me get back on track.  Not that I wasn't, but it just made me even more determined!

So when does this change from a conscience choice to just the way I life happen?  I am not sure if it ever will, but I really would like to stop obsessing over this.  I just want to wake up one day, eat all my meals and not think about it as a diet or a change in life, that it is just my life and that is how I live.

I went for a walk today at Grant Park.  What a beautiful day!  We all went (Fred, Gauge, and Yoda).  Last time I went was in October and I wasn't even able to walk to the bridge, about 1/4 of a mile there and back.  Today I walked all the way around the path not sure how long (I think about 2 miles), came home and cleaned and now getting ready to eat.  I am feeling so good!  It is great to have energy, my feet hurt a little, but my knees feel great.

I am looking forward to my soft diet.  I can add more sugar free, fat free, low fat foods.  They are right, your taste buds do change after this surgery.  Things I used to love I cannot tolerate, and things I hated I love now.  Weird,b but true!

Enjoy the weather everyone!

Fat Tuesday

Today is Mardi Gras, or Fat Tueday to some.  Really?  I have lived as Fat Tuesday for many years...now I want lean Tuesday!  In our teachers lounge at work there were about 50 desserts...no kidding...homemade and looking quite appetizing.  I had to go out of my way so as not to be tempted.  Finally I broke down and had a piece of banana bread.  I thought it was the most healthy choice.  I only ate a few bites and tossed the rest...it was REALLY good!  I don't feel guilty either!  I could have done much worse...like eat one of everything!  However, I resisted and made a healthy choice. 

I am not feeling full like I thought I would.  I am measuring my amounts to eat at each meal and making sure I don't over do it, but I am constantly hungry.  It is really like it used to be for me.  I am hungry and feeling frustrated and wanting to eat!  I called the doctor today to see if I could get a fill sooner, no one was in today though.  I just don't want to feel hungry.  It seems like I can eat anything I want, even though I haven't.  Like over the weekend we went to a banquet and they served the biggest hunk of prime rib I have ever seen!  I ate what I though to be one serving and pushed the rest aside, but I think I could have eaten the entire piece and not felt full.  However, I have not had a fill yet and I think that might help.  We will see! 

The good news is that I have learned portion control and eating healthy, no sugar, low fat foods.  

Puree Heaven!

Who'd a thunk I would be excited to eat baby food again?  So, pre-surgery diet...watery fruit and veggies, protein drinks, sugar free popcycles, sugar free fudge cycles, broth for 10 days.  Then two weeks of full liquids...same as 10 day only I could add strained cream soups, Jello pudding (sugar free), yogart, oatmeal, grits, and cream of wheats.  Then this week on Tuesday I could add puree foods!  What a delight!!!

So my first puree meal was a chicken breast grilled on the grill (2 oz) and a baked potato with spray butter.  It was like having Thanksgiving day dinner!  I was so excited I almost wet myself...really!  I had it again the next day for lunch and it was just as good heated up.  I feel like a toddler putting my food in a blender, but you know it really doesn't change the taste at all. 

Yesterday, I had a bowl of homemade Chili pureed!  Delicious:)  I was suppose to have some for lunch, but forgot it at home.  Now I have something to look forward to tomorrow.  Went out to dinner tonight, I am a real cheap date now.  Channel Inn in Fox Lake is the most accommodating place I know.  It helps that we have been going there for 20 years too!  I asked for the children's burger with blue cheese and no bun (children's burger is half the size as the adult) and mashed potatoes.  She was very nice and charged me the $5.25 for a child's meal.  I ate half the hamburger patty.  I chewed it twice as good since I didn't have my bullet with me and only had a few spoons of the potatoes!  I was stuffed!!!! It tasted like heaven! 

If I can't loose weight now with the change in my system, I never will!  I am not going to weigh in until Friday morning.

Going out of town this weekend.  We will see how that goes.  Probably eat a lot of burgers and mashed potatoes, but that is okay, I am one happy lady right now.  More energy, can think straight and I want to do stuff again::)