Well, now I have done it! I reverted back to my bitchy self:( Shot the one goal I was doing somewhat good at. It wasn't pretty. I know that I can never take back what was said or done, so I need to apologize and move on with my life. However, I will always feel bad that I was so stupid, negative, and just plain mean! I wouldn't blame this person for never talking to me again or trusting me again! The story:
We have to take NWEA tests this week and next week. I was under the assumption we were giving the tests in the same order as always (my first mistake...assuming!) We take reading, math, and Language usage tests...anyway...The math teacher came up and asked me if I told my students that they were taking their NWEA tests next week. I said that no I am telling them we are taking the test tomorrow...second mistake...not listening to the question correctly! She said that the students told her that I said they were taking the test next week. I stated, I never told them that...then she said so you are taking the math test tomorrow...I said no, we take the reading test 1st. She then started to ask me to take the math first and (third mistake) I immediately think...why the hell does she think math scores are more important than reading scores...so I state that to her...foot in mouth...stupid!!!! A student then comes up and I walk away...now at this point I don't realize how selfish and stupid I am being...so I bring it to other teacher...REALLY! Why would I try to get them on my side...mistake 2 million at this point! So now I am still not back in my body and this alien is still controlling me and I sit down and write an e mail to explain...see I am an idiot! E-mails are never a good idea and I am soooooo aware of this...Don't yell at me Fred, I am already mad at myself! So needless to say I need to apologize and I really don't blame this teacher if she hates me!
Why oh why do I do these stupid things...it is like I don't know who that person is! One of my goal was to stop, listen, think before I answer or react. Blew it this time! Put that goal back to beginning of my list and keep working on it!
I am truly going to have to a million things to earn this persons trust back in me and the trust of the teachers I tried to drag into my drama! I am really repenting for this and I pray to the Lord that he forgives me too!
Linda, you are being WAY to hard on yourself. You made mistake...that is all. Yes, it may take time for that person to forgive and forget, but ultimately YOU ARE HUMAN and humans make mistakes over and over and over. The best we can do is learn from our mistakes and work hard to do our best not to repeat the same ones. You are still learning and still working on things. And you HAVE made amazing progress!!! As I tell my students, sometimes with every step we take forward, we take three step back as well. With this event, you may have taken a step back, but you are still heading forward...in the right direction. Sometimes the hardest part in making a mistake is knowing that you were wrong. Since you already recognize that you were wrong, you need to forgive yourself and move on. You are a strong, brave, amazing woman...don't let one mistake set you back so much!! Stay strong, brave and amazing!! Hugs!!
ReplyDeleteThanks Julie! YOU are amazing:) I am so afraid that I can't change, especially when I go back to my old ways...I don't ever want to be that person again. I really don't want to be that person and weigh almost 300 pounds again either! Thanks for reminding me:)
ReplyDeletewe always do reading first - at least for the 6 years we have done NWEA so assumption understood - even my new school does reading first
ReplyDelete<3 you - apologize and M will forgive
Thanks kari! I don't know if she will...I did it to her last year too...I really don't like my personality and wish I could be different...but it is so hard!
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