Lost

Well, I mended fences with the person from my last post. She is the sweetest person I know. I think that is why I take advantage of her. I find the weakest puppy in the litter and then kick it around. Then I had more issues with another teacher today and went to talk to him after school. I admitted my weaknesses and that what I needed to work on, and he didn't seem to think he has any issues...even though very few people like or respect him! And yet, I sit with him feeling like it is really all my fault and walk away with that feeling of hating myself! I know it is not all me, but when confronted I can't come up with anything the other person does that is wrong...so it must be me...right? Happens all the time with Fred too. I am always the one that feels bad and I am the one who feels like an idiot or I did something wrong when we argue...and in the end it is usually my fault...

I have gone forward two steps and fell back about a thousand this week. I just really feel that I am a bitch and that I over react too often and I can't change and I am soooooo frustrated. I want to eat a bag of chips and dip right now (but I won't, I am blogging!!!!)! I am thinner, but I am the same crappy person I have always been. I really just want to be happy and not feel like when someone is mad it is my fault. I thought I had it, but I don't...I still take all the blame, I am the one that sucks it up, I am the one that feels like an idiot all the time!

Going back to my goal...love myself for who I am, I cannot change others, only myself!