Yep!

What a crazy week! I had a total melt down on Tuesday!  I was ready to quit my job, crawl in a hole and stay there until I starved to death...thank goodness I didn't do any of this! 

I am just not a nit picker...why do people have to be, does filling out a simple form have to be such a big deal???  Why can't one decision stay and not be changed by one or two people and the team has no real voice!  YES I WANTED TEAM DAY, I like team day, it is good for the kids!  It seems like everyone is trying to out do each other in the decision making area....who can get it done the fastest...not necessarily the best way.  Why do people go out of their way to try to make me look bad, or take over my job...doesn't make any sense to me.  I am not going anywhere...I will be there next year.  I have half a mind to go ask if we are shaking up seventh grade this year.  It is just really hard when you have two people that won't do anything and two people that want to do everything (their way), and one person that doesn't care because she is just temporary, and another person that just wants everyone to be happy...and of course that is not me!   I make a suggestion today and everyone liked it, but everyone leaves the meeting and it was not finalized...that is the problem, nothing gets finalized and it is left open for change.  EVERYTHING has to such a major issue!  Really, we waste 30 minutes on a conversation on what to do on team day and then one person from the team talks to another team and all of a sudden it changes!  REALLY!  We talk and talk and talk and nothing is said!  I even stopped taking notes, because we say nothing and if we do on occasion come up with a plan, it changes before the next morning by one or two people...more time is wasted then I can even count.  Yes I am irritated! Sure there are good things about our team, just not feeling them now!!!!! I think I will just do what other team leaders do, just make the decisions and just bring it to the team, and they get no say.  They were even making plans with one of the teachers to do NWEA test ing...who asked for their help?  I know what I am doing and why do they think they need to stick  their nose in my business all the time? And then it is brought up like I wasn't doing my job...oh yeah we need to get you the test instructions to look at...REALLY???? I would have talked to her already if she was going to do any testing!  It is one of the reasons I decided to do all the testing myself...Ughhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! I want a German Chocolate Blizzard with extra coconut and pecans!  Done with my vent! 


Second fill yesterday.  I always feel so much better after talking to the nutritionist, doctor and nurse.  He reminded me that the first fill wasn't suppose to do much.  The second fill will do more.  Then third will be the most.  When I weighed in I had not lost any weight in two weeks, but I didn't gain either.  I lost the 5 pounds I gained in Vegas!  I am doing great they all said, and were surprised I had done so well in Vegas.  I am going to start my exercise program this weekend...I just don't have a good time to go and work out...I don't want to do it alone and the best time is right after work and no one I know that works out with me can do it then.  I will never get on a horse if I don't start working out! 

I am so negative lately.  My self esteem is really low and my team hates me, and I want to be a good team leader and no one will let me, and my family is off doing their own thing and I don't have any real friends (not family).  I try to make friends, but I am horrible at it, I am so awkward.  One good thing is that I get to meet with my reading team tomorrow and I love them!  I don't think they love me as much, but I do love them! It will be a better morning and thus a better day.