It has been really slow progress the last two months. Weigh in Wednesday this week was finally a good sight! I finally am down to 205 pounds. I can't complain since I haven't gained weight. My goal is to be at 185 by my one year mark on February 15th. That would be a 100 pound loss, I am pretty sure I can do that with the move and everything else that is going on in my life at this time.
I am so grateful to have my life back on track...knees aren't sore anymore, I can walk around and feel good...I have more energy. Had blood work done and the results came back that everything is great as far as my vitamins, minerals, liver, and kidneys...that was good news for me!
If you ask me, this is a great way to lose weight. I see commercials on TV and news shows about these miraculous 100 pounds off in a year, and they all stress that they were done without surgery...don't they realize that surgery is a last resort and if you ask me, it is not an easy out! It is just as difficult as if you do it without the surgery, but you can feel successful. Before surgery I would lose 20 pounds, gain 5 back, get depressed then gain the 20 back plus the 5. With this program I can go a few weeks without any weight loss, but I have never gained a pound back...that helps keep your spirits up. I just don't believe that anyone with a weight problem can lose that much weight without help. I would recommend this to anyone that has to lose 70 pounds or more...it just makes sense and it is truly a way to change your entire life. You need to do the before surgery seminars, you need to change your mindset, and you need to have a really great support network to be successful. I have been luck to have all of that in place for me. If you have less than 70 pounds you don't need to go this drastic. You should be able to lose that through a strict, physician guided, weight loss program. If you are thinking of having this surgery talk to me and I will be happy to help you through the process!
So this moving thing is a pain in the butt! I want to be closing today and now have to wait until January 18th! The problem is with the seller, not us. I just hope I don't have to get anymore paperwork or letters together over the next two weeks...if I do, I will scream!!!! I can't believe all the crap you have to go through to buy a house. I am surprised I didn't have to chart all my bowel movements for two months to get the loan. I wish I would have said NO to the changing of the closing date, it is what really messed us up. If we would of had the original date of 12/30...we would be closing today! Now they can't get their bum of a brother out of the house and Fred is worried the house is damaged, and they had a party there a week ago and did they do anything during the party...ugh! Just want this to be done!
Happy New Year!
Myself
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Loving Life
I am down to 209 today! I love my new life. I have more energy, I feel like a real person again and I am really happy with my life. Do you know what it feels like to go from a size 24/26 to a 13/14? It feels totally amazing!!!! My new nick name is Linda the incredible shrinking woman...and I love every moment of shrinking.
There are some pitfalls to this diet and I need to talk about those. It is difficult to eat. What was once my way of comforting myself and making myself feel good, is now painful. If I eat to fast it hurts really bad, if I eat too much I throw up, if something gets stuck it is painful and I throw up. I had to leave work one day because a piece of a sausage burrito was stuck and I spent the day throwing up and in pain. I only eat when I need to and most times I don't look forward to it; which is totally opposite of my past life. The only foods I cannot eat are bread, reheated meat, and cereal and I have not missed these foods as much as I thought I would.
I have a hard time getting in enough protein at times and I am obsessed with label reading and only eat foods with 2 grams or more of protein! When I don't get enough protein I space out and I have a hard time concentrating. It is really difficult for me at work. I am not sure if everyone realizes how hard this is on me and how my focus can get lost. This week I am going to try to do a protein shake before work and hopefully that will help. I have become obsessed with label reading and will not eat anything with less than 2 grams of protein. Did you know that turkey bacon only has 2 grams of protein and sausage link have 9 grams, for a few extra fat grams I can get 3 times the protein with sausage! It amazes me what I learn. I have learned to enjoy every bite of every meal, to use small plates, and to only eat what I love!
There are also some great things about this diet too...those include the fact that I can eat almost anything I want, just very slowly and not too much. I don't have to count calories, grams of fat or carbs...just need to make sure I get my protein. I still have to remind myself to stay away from chips and dip because they are a slider food and they go down way to easy. However, I can have a few and then I am done. I don't feel like I am being cheated out of anything.
I have gone through weeks and weeks of no weight change, and that is frustrating. However, over the last eight months I have learned that no weight loss is so much better than weight gain, which I have not done! That frustration of every diet is not haunting my, I do not lose a pound and wonder when I will gain it back with two more. I know that every pound lost may be slow, but it is permanent...that is the best feeling of all.
I have changed so much in the last 8 months! I guess that is why I get so frustrated when the administration tells me I need to change. I feel that I have done so many changes and I enjoy myself now. I am more confident and that makes me a little more aggressive when it comes to what I want and they don't like my approach. Well, it took me 51 years to be able to speak up for myself, excuse me if it takes me a few more to perfect the approach. I know in my heart I am a great person, and I have proof because I have the best family and friends and they love me for who I am...and that is what counts the most. I may lose my job for my approach, but I will always have my friends and family!!! Love you all and thanks for hanging in there with me in the good times and the bad times!!!
One last thing...Taylor...Thank you for being there for me in the last few months in my thoughts and dreams. You have truly inspired me and for that I am thankful. I know that God took you for reasons of his own, but through his work you have helped me see the light and for that you will always be a part of me!
There are some pitfalls to this diet and I need to talk about those. It is difficult to eat. What was once my way of comforting myself and making myself feel good, is now painful. If I eat to fast it hurts really bad, if I eat too much I throw up, if something gets stuck it is painful and I throw up. I had to leave work one day because a piece of a sausage burrito was stuck and I spent the day throwing up and in pain. I only eat when I need to and most times I don't look forward to it; which is totally opposite of my past life. The only foods I cannot eat are bread, reheated meat, and cereal and I have not missed these foods as much as I thought I would.
I have a hard time getting in enough protein at times and I am obsessed with label reading and only eat foods with 2 grams or more of protein! When I don't get enough protein I space out and I have a hard time concentrating. It is really difficult for me at work. I am not sure if everyone realizes how hard this is on me and how my focus can get lost. This week I am going to try to do a protein shake before work and hopefully that will help. I have become obsessed with label reading and will not eat anything with less than 2 grams of protein. Did you know that turkey bacon only has 2 grams of protein and sausage link have 9 grams, for a few extra fat grams I can get 3 times the protein with sausage! It amazes me what I learn. I have learned to enjoy every bite of every meal, to use small plates, and to only eat what I love!
There are also some great things about this diet too...those include the fact that I can eat almost anything I want, just very slowly and not too much. I don't have to count calories, grams of fat or carbs...just need to make sure I get my protein. I still have to remind myself to stay away from chips and dip because they are a slider food and they go down way to easy. However, I can have a few and then I am done. I don't feel like I am being cheated out of anything.
I have gone through weeks and weeks of no weight change, and that is frustrating. However, over the last eight months I have learned that no weight loss is so much better than weight gain, which I have not done! That frustration of every diet is not haunting my, I do not lose a pound and wonder when I will gain it back with two more. I know that every pound lost may be slow, but it is permanent...that is the best feeling of all.
I have changed so much in the last 8 months! I guess that is why I get so frustrated when the administration tells me I need to change. I feel that I have done so many changes and I enjoy myself now. I am more confident and that makes me a little more aggressive when it comes to what I want and they don't like my approach. Well, it took me 51 years to be able to speak up for myself, excuse me if it takes me a few more to perfect the approach. I know in my heart I am a great person, and I have proof because I have the best family and friends and they love me for who I am...and that is what counts the most. I may lose my job for my approach, but I will always have my friends and family!!! Love you all and thanks for hanging in there with me in the good times and the bad times!!!
One last thing...Taylor...Thank you for being there for me in the last few months in my thoughts and dreams. You have truly inspired me and for that I am thankful. I know that God took you for reasons of his own, but through his work you have helped me see the light and for that you will always be a part of me!
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Time is Ticking!
I just can't believe it has been a month since my last post! Where do I start?
I have been in a slump and not losing weight like I want to, but I am also not gaining weight either. I think that this is a feat in itself. With the wedding and stress at work I would have ordinarily gained at least 10 pounds in the last month, but I actually lost 3 pounds. I am down to 212! I hope to be at 200 by Christmas day! That would be the best Christmas present in the world.
I think I need to reflect on why I am not losing weight...lets see...I and say it in one work. Alcohol! I am addicted to wine:) I need to lay off the 3-4 glasses a night on the weekend! Also, I have been "grazing" which is the biggest no no of this diet. So my goal is to eat my six small meals a day and stay away from wine...only one night on the weekend...not all weekend!
The wedding - WOW! What a great time! It was everything we planned for Sara's big day. A few small things went wrong, but nothing that made a difference. I have never seen my daughter that beautiful or happy in her life. Bryan was the most amazing groom too. I loved that through everything they never lost who they really are. They had fun and yet they were serious. It was the most beautiful day and night. I am so grateful to all the family and friends that come to spend the special day with us! I was amazed at how many people were willing to go to Sheboygan for a wedding. However, I think they were pleasantly surprised with how beautiful the area is. I know many are planning a return trip to spend more time on the beach and in the pool. Anyway, it was amazing!
Work has been work. I was warned about writing anything on facebook from my boss, so I guess I shouldn't write anything here either. I just wish that people would grow up.
I will try not to take too long on my next blog:)
I have been in a slump and not losing weight like I want to, but I am also not gaining weight either. I think that this is a feat in itself. With the wedding and stress at work I would have ordinarily gained at least 10 pounds in the last month, but I actually lost 3 pounds. I am down to 212! I hope to be at 200 by Christmas day! That would be the best Christmas present in the world.
I think I need to reflect on why I am not losing weight...lets see...I and say it in one work. Alcohol! I am addicted to wine:) I need to lay off the 3-4 glasses a night on the weekend! Also, I have been "grazing" which is the biggest no no of this diet. So my goal is to eat my six small meals a day and stay away from wine...only one night on the weekend...not all weekend!
The wedding - WOW! What a great time! It was everything we planned for Sara's big day. A few small things went wrong, but nothing that made a difference. I have never seen my daughter that beautiful or happy in her life. Bryan was the most amazing groom too. I loved that through everything they never lost who they really are. They had fun and yet they were serious. It was the most beautiful day and night. I am so grateful to all the family and friends that come to spend the special day with us! I was amazed at how many people were willing to go to Sheboygan for a wedding. However, I think they were pleasantly surprised with how beautiful the area is. I know many are planning a return trip to spend more time on the beach and in the pool. Anyway, it was amazing!
Work has been work. I was warned about writing anything on facebook from my boss, so I guess I shouldn't write anything here either. I just wish that people would grow up.
I will try not to take too long on my next blog:)
Friday, October 7, 2011
Changes
I think that through our lives we change in so many ways. Our experiences, the people around us, and our environment create some of these changes. When I was a kid I was so afraid to say anything that would cause a fight or get in trouble. I just said very little and things would stay inside until I would blow up. When I met Fred it took me years to be able to speak my piece. I would cry and cry and never talk. Finally with Fred's help I was able to find my voice and speak up when I was hurt, or when I needed a hug, or just to express my own opinion. Over the last 30 years I have become very proud of myself and I surprise myself when I speak up for myself. I have also found that through writing I can use my inner voice, the one that is truthful and honest, not afraid to say what I want. I know it is not the best approach, but it what I have.
Now after all these years of changing, growing, maturing, and finding and being myself I am told that I need a new approach...REALLY? I finally get the nerve up to ask for help and I am slammed to ground, face first by someone I thought I could trust. I am not going to change. Has she asked little man to change, his sitting in meetings and shaking his head yes, and not helping, and just being a plain jerk. Or the person that does nothing to help the team and can't form an appropriate e-mail to save his soul. Or the person that freaks out over every little thing that happens. Or the one that wants to be boss and have everything her way and then gets upset that it didn't go that way? Did she talk to them and tell them they need to change their approach, or there attitude, or their way of thinking? I can't be sure, but I think that is a NO! Even the most well meaning, sweet approach can suck when it stabs your heart like a knife through your soul! That is what you did to me!
I love that I can speak up when I need to, I love that I have a voice, maybe I don't always use the best approach, but seriously, get over it! I use writing as my voice. My real voice is meek and shy, it is not who I am, it lets me down, and won't say what I want to say. Writing is my true voice...e-mail is the way I can communicate. I am sorry if you don't like it, but it is who I am...so get over yourself and adapt to the needs of others...like I have adapted to your needs!
I called in sick today, I have the worst headache and it won't go away. I have had it since I walked out of the office on Wednesday afternoon.
I am still at 215, stress eating and drinking over the last month has not allowed a change, but I am still happy with the scale because I am not gaining weight back!
Sara's wedding is in 8 days...eeeek! So excited! It is going to be amazing. Need to find shoes still...
Happy Anniversary Fred! I love you with all my heart and soul!
Now after all these years of changing, growing, maturing, and finding and being myself I am told that I need a new approach...REALLY? I finally get the nerve up to ask for help and I am slammed to ground, face first by someone I thought I could trust. I am not going to change. Has she asked little man to change, his sitting in meetings and shaking his head yes, and not helping, and just being a plain jerk. Or the person that does nothing to help the team and can't form an appropriate e-mail to save his soul. Or the person that freaks out over every little thing that happens. Or the one that wants to be boss and have everything her way and then gets upset that it didn't go that way? Did she talk to them and tell them they need to change their approach, or there attitude, or their way of thinking? I can't be sure, but I think that is a NO! Even the most well meaning, sweet approach can suck when it stabs your heart like a knife through your soul! That is what you did to me!
I love that I can speak up when I need to, I love that I have a voice, maybe I don't always use the best approach, but seriously, get over it! I use writing as my voice. My real voice is meek and shy, it is not who I am, it lets me down, and won't say what I want to say. Writing is my true voice...e-mail is the way I can communicate. I am sorry if you don't like it, but it is who I am...so get over yourself and adapt to the needs of others...like I have adapted to your needs!
I called in sick today, I have the worst headache and it won't go away. I have had it since I walked out of the office on Wednesday afternoon.
I am still at 215, stress eating and drinking over the last month has not allowed a change, but I am still happy with the scale because I am not gaining weight back!
Sara's wedding is in 8 days...eeeek! So excited! It is going to be amazing. Need to find shoes still...
Happy Anniversary Fred! I love you with all my heart and soul!
Friday, September 16, 2011
The Scale...Friend or Foe
Since February 15th I have stepped on the scale almost everyday (don't be mad Sara)! At first it was fun, watching the pounds melt away, then it stopped coming off as fast. I remember stepping on the scale and I was 265 pounds, then the next day 267, then 266, then 267, and it would go on like that for two weeks or more. It was so frustrating and I couldn't understand how I could possibly gain weight on the amount I was eating. Then one day I stepped on the scale and it was down to 265! Finally lost weight. Then it did the same thing for about two weeks up and down, then boom weight lost. I have learned so much about my body and the process it goes through to lose weight. I know that my weight will fluctuate for about two weeks then I will drop between 2 and 4 pounds in one day and then it starts fluctuating from that weight. Now that I realize I am not going to gain weight back for good, I am pleased and not so scared of the scale. If someday I step on the scale and my weight keeps inching up and up and never goes back down, I will panic...until then I will love the scale:)
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Weird!
I am down to 215 now! I am so proud of myself. The best part is that I am not starving, I am used to the diet and now I eat without thinking. I am still having a difficult time with my eyes being bigger than my tummy, but one step at a time! I have lost a total of 70 pound in 7 months. My knees don't hurt, I can walk up and down stairs without pain and I come home and have energy to get stuff done. I love the new me. So what is weird...welllllll...
I really am not used to being complimented for any reason. In the last few weeks it is odd how many compliments I have gotten on my BUTT! Yes, my butt...how weird! I have had teachers tell me, family tell me and friends tell me...but the one that impressed me the most was when Fred told me! I was out to dinner the other night and one of my friends was behind me and she all of a sudden starts telling me how great my butt looks and then makes her husband look at my butt and he turned 10 shades of red. One teacher walked up to me (female) and says I don't know if this is appropriate, but your butt looks really nice. I said probably not appropriate, but THANKS! Put your ear muffs on kids...and Fred can't keep his hands off my butt! I guess I believe them since it is so many random people saying it to me...amazing how much a compliment can change the outlook of your life! I am excited to hear more:) My goal is to compliment as many people as I can in the next few weeks! I want everyone to feel as good as I do. I will only compliment someone honestly though, I don't want to make stuff up to make someone feel good, I want it to be REAL! So if I compliment you over the next few week, you can be assured it is a REAL compliment!
I really am not used to being complimented for any reason. In the last few weeks it is odd how many compliments I have gotten on my BUTT! Yes, my butt...how weird! I have had teachers tell me, family tell me and friends tell me...but the one that impressed me the most was when Fred told me! I was out to dinner the other night and one of my friends was behind me and she all of a sudden starts telling me how great my butt looks and then makes her husband look at my butt and he turned 10 shades of red. One teacher walked up to me (female) and says I don't know if this is appropriate, but your butt looks really nice. I said probably not appropriate, but THANKS! Put your ear muffs on kids...and Fred can't keep his hands off my butt! I guess I believe them since it is so many random people saying it to me...amazing how much a compliment can change the outlook of your life! I am excited to hear more:) My goal is to compliment as many people as I can in the next few weeks! I want everyone to feel as good as I do. I will only compliment someone honestly though, I don't want to make stuff up to make someone feel good, I want it to be REAL! So if I compliment you over the next few week, you can be assured it is a REAL compliment!
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Lost
Well, I mended fences with the person from my last post. She is the sweetest person I know. I think that is why I take advantage of her. I find the weakest puppy in the litter and then kick it around. Then I had more issues with another teacher today and went to talk to him after school. I admitted my weaknesses and that what I needed to work on, and he didn't seem to think he has any issues...even though very few people like or respect him! And yet, I sit with him feeling like it is really all my fault and walk away with that feeling of hating myself! I know it is not all me, but when confronted I can't come up with anything the other person does that is wrong...so it must be me...right? Happens all the time with Fred too. I am always the one that feels bad and I am the one who feels like an idiot or I did something wrong when we argue...and in the end it is usually my fault...
I have gone forward two steps and fell back about a thousand this week. I just really feel that I am a bitch and that I over react too often and I can't change and I am soooooo frustrated. I want to eat a bag of chips and dip right now (but I won't, I am blogging!!!!)! I am thinner, but I am the same crappy person I have always been. I really just want to be happy and not feel like when someone is mad it is my fault. I thought I had it, but I don't...I still take all the blame, I am the one that sucks it up, I am the one that feels like an idiot all the time!
Going back to my goal...love myself for who I am, I cannot change others, only myself!
I have gone forward two steps and fell back about a thousand this week. I just really feel that I am a bitch and that I over react too often and I can't change and I am soooooo frustrated. I want to eat a bag of chips and dip right now (but I won't, I am blogging!!!!)! I am thinner, but I am the same crappy person I have always been. I really just want to be happy and not feel like when someone is mad it is my fault. I thought I had it, but I don't...I still take all the blame, I am the one that sucks it up, I am the one that feels like an idiot all the time!
Going back to my goal...love myself for who I am, I cannot change others, only myself!
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