Changes

Wow, can you believe it has been almost a year since the surgery? The weight coming off has slowed significantly and I am afraid to get another fill. The last fill I had back in...well a long time ago was an over fill and the pain was awful. I had such a problem getting some removed, I just can't bare that again. I have fallen back into some old habits and I am not proud of that, I also don't feel that I am being as supported as I once was. I guess after a year it is no longer new, people forget that I am still struggling. I also stopped reaching out as I didn't want people to think I was seeking attention. Just so all of you know I am not out of the woods yet.

Since August 17th I have only lost 13 pounds. I know it is still 13 pounds, but it should have been 30. I need to get out there and exercise...I know all the excuses and I use them everyday. I am not liking the way my arms look all saggy and droopy, it is really gross...can't afford any surgery. I am surprised that my stomach isn't gross yet. I have wrinkly legs which I don't like either. I do feel healthier though and I am really on the right track, just need to stick with it!

Changes - so many changes - I am so much more confident, so much more caring, so much more of the person I knew I could be. I am living my dream of moving to Wadsworth in an old farm house...I have the energy to work on it and make it nice. My family is being completed with Sara getting married and talking about starting a family. I have more friends today than I have ever had in my entire life! I feel like I belong and I am here for a reason. I love my new life!

Last night, for the first time ever, my sleep apnea monitor alarm rang. I was in this really deep sleep having this weird dream and I hear this really weird noise in my dream and it slowly draws me to wake up and I look around and I hear this noise and it is coming from my machine...it was really scary. I wanted to wake Fred up and have him hold me, but he was so sound asleep and he has a hard time sleeping. I was really scared though. I am glad I have an appointment next week with the doctor to ask him about it. I am not sure if the correct protocol is to call him, or just let it go. Then I was thinking, maybe I was dreaming the whole time, what if it was a noise in the house I am not used to yet...but I am positive it was my machine alarming. Anyway...it was scary!

Well, as my son says, I need to make some goals and stick with them...my goal is to NOT eat any snacks on Super Bowl Sunday! I will eat my regular meals, some hummus and pita chips or veggies. I need to lay off the wine...even though it is soooo good, stop eating out, and make my breakfast and lunch everyday...oh and start portioning my food again! I think that is enough for awhile...please don't forget that I am still in need of that support! If you see me eating something I shouldn't it is okay to say something! If you see me drinking from a straw...remind me it is not good for me! If you see me sitting around, remind me to get up and move:) Yeah, I get upset, but I need a kick in the butt every now and then, and it also reminds me that I have people that care:)