I am Who I am, it is What it is, and I Love Me

Wow the last two week has been full of lows and highs. I will start with the low and move to the highs.

The Friday before spring break I found out that I would not have a position in my current school district.  After 12 years of service I have been released due to a "Reduction in Forces".  You may think that this is impossible, but it is not.  Under the new current evaluation system; that is forced on school districts by the state, you are let go based on the best 2 of you last 3 evaluations.  Also, under the new evaluation system you can get a 1 - 4 as a rating.  A 4 is the best.  We were all told that you had to be a "Michael Phelps" (gold medal winner) in order to get a 4 under the new system.  When I had my evaluation in 2011/12, it was under the old system and I had a satisfactory which is considered a 3 under the new system.  As a tenured teacher you are only suppose to get an evaluation every two years.  Well, I had an argument with my evaluator just before my final evaluation (which is suppose to be objective...yeah right, and she decided that I would need another evaluation the following year under the new evaluation system.

To make a long story short, I am a good teacher!  I love teaching and I spend hours planning, grading, and communicating to help my students become educated young adults.  However, I do not put myself on a pedestal and I don't consider myself a "Michael Phelps" so I thought that a 3 was a great evaluation.  However, because I had to be evaluated again and not on my regular 2 year cycle I had 2 ratings of 3 and one under the old as excellent or a 4.  All other tenured teachers had 1 rating of a 3 and two of excellent.  This put me on the category 3 list and I was let go.  In addition, the administration in our building took the rating system seriously and did not give many 4's, but other admins in other buildings didn't take it as seriously.


Needless to say, I am beating myself up left and right over this situation.  I keep thinking that people are happy I am gone.  I saw a PTO person in the school library and she didn't even say hi to me.  I feel like the red headed step child of the district.  I know I am the first one on the call back list, but if they call me back do I want to work there?  I would love to tell them to shove it, but I love teaching and I love my students.  If I get the call and I don't have another job, yes, I will go back.  However, I will  continue to look for a place that appreciates me. 

The saddest part of the entire situation is that I felt as if I deserved to get canned.  I have such a poor self concept that I think I actually deserved it.  Then I look at who is still there and I think...yeah, I am not perfect and I have many faults, but I am NOT a bad teacher.  There are many more that are though.  The new evaluation system, that is suppose to get rid of bad teachers, it is not working!  It is still subjective and if you are liked, you are in, whether you can teach or not.  If you are not liked (or overly opinionated) you are out even if you are great. As everyone knows, that knows me at all, I can't keep my mouth shut when I think things are unfair or unjust, or if I feel it is wrong.  I don't intend on being the quiet mouse either.

Now for the good!  Fred and I took a trip to Phoenix last week.  It was so beautiful!  I would move there in a heart beat if I could.  Seeing Adam, Nadia, Cera, and Nora was so much fun.  It was especially nice to get to know Nadia.  She is a bright, beautiful, young woman.  She has experienced much in her life and has taken those experiences to become who she is today.  She is a wonderful mother and wife.  I am so glad that Adam was able to find his soul mate.  They are truly perfect for each other.  I am grateful and honored that they think of us as family. I am auntie and Fred is papa to Cera, I am mama to Nadia, and I am ma to Adam. 

Being there with them after the news of my job was perfect.  I realized that no matter what others think of me, or how they have judged me, I know that I have touched many lives and in some way made them better.  I have helped many young people find their potential.  This makes me one proud Mother and Grandmother with at least 4 sons, 4 daughters, 3 grandsons and 1 on the way, 4 granddaughters. 

In Phoenix I was able to do so many things that I wouldn't have been able to do if I hadn't lost weight.  I was able to go on a hike up Superstition Mountain, I couldn't make it to the top, but I went most of the way...before I wouldn't even have tried.  I was able to get on a horse and ride it for 3 hours!  It felt amazing!  I had energy that I can't remember ever having.  It was an exciting time and I was glad I was able to be there with the love of my life Fred!  He is the most supportive, loving man in the world.  I am grateful that he has supported me all the way through this journey of weight loss.


In a few weeks I will be going on a journey to Omaha, Nebraska to experience the birth of my next grandson and spend time with my granddaughter.  I am again so grateful that my son and his wife want me to be there at this special time.  This is what life is all about, not impressing those who don't know you, but to be there for those who do love you and appreciate you.  I miss them not being close, but I am so proud of them to take this step and move away.  It was a difficult decision and they are doing what is best for their family.  I am glad that it is only 7 hours away and not farther! 

I am lucky that I get to see Sara and Barrett a few times a week. I wish I could see Bryan more, but he is working hard for his family.  I am so lucky to have a loving relationship with my daughter and we like to spend time together.  We don't always have to talk, we can just be together and it is good.  We can laugh together and she gets me and I get her.  We just fit.  It is great!

I am also lucky that I can spend time with my son Jason and his family.  He has grown into such a wonderful man and he has such a beautiful family.  Again, I am glad that we have such a great relationship.  When we get together we laugh!  He is so funny and I love when he makes me laugh.  I feel like I am me when he is around, I am not sure what that means, but that is how I feel. 

All in all, I know that people who do not know me well, they judge me, they may even think I am not a good teacher, they may think I deserve to lose my job, but I know better.  I know that I had a child at 19, I have had many trials through my life.  I am not perfect, I am far from it, but every night when I go to bed, I think...I am who I am, it is what it is, and I love me, I love my family, I love my true friends, and I love my life!  I know that I have family and friends that love me back for a reason...because I am a good person.  Can all of parents, teachers and administrators that judge me say the same thing?  Maybe they are just jealous;)